Posted by: cassie | 2009/01/09

love or spoiling

You would think after raising three children successfully to adulthood I would know the answer to this question, but I don' 25 year old daughter is to emigrate later this year. When I do not want to do a task for her, spend time with her, etc, she says I will only have to do it for x more months and then I will be rid of her- making me feel very guilty. I feel manipulated into spoiling her because I do things for her that she could do herself with a little effort and time management. I keep thinking I had a baby a job and a house at that age and did it all with no help. But then I think of her point of view and think maybe she feels the need to make me prove my love for her. I don' t know what to do.

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Our expert says:
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Hi cassie, Yes, it sounds as though your daughter is indeed manipulating you, and perhaps worrying that when she emigrates you won't be around to manipulate any more. Don't allow her to make you feel guilty at all. Simply reject the ideas of guilt. IF she is just expecting you to do chores for her because she's too lazy to do them herself, then stop doing them, and remind her that in x months she will have to be doing them herself, anyway. If these are tasks she genuinely has difficulty doing, agree to do each of them one more time, WITH her, not FOR her, so she can learn how to do them herself, with greater confidence.

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