Our expert says:
Maybe start more gently by learning to LIKE oneself ? And in counselling / therapy, part of the task will often be to reduce one's felt need for external affirmation. Knowledge in an entirely intellectual sense often fails to solve the problem ( tellling me why the car's engine is making that awful noise is useless in enabling me to fix the problem - I don't even know how to open the bonnet / hood ).
Work on taking responsibility for your OWN feelings, and let others take care of theirs.
And dont't entirely knock "going through the motions" - there's evidence to show that when one starts by behaving in a way that resembles how you want to fel, your feelings and attitudes tend to move towards the state you are initially simulating.
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