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Question
Posted by: Boogybabe | 2004/09/22

Love men old enough to be my father

I dont know if i should say this is a problem or may the people i have dated are being honest. The story goes like this:

I am 25 yrs lady, working a good job and paid enough salary to take care of myself.No children yet.Ever since i was about 21 yrs of age all the men i meet are old. When i was 21 yrs i met a guy he was 39 yrs. He was unmarried. I got scared after discovering his age and ended the affair. After that i met another guy who looks younger as well after discovering his age i nearly had a heart attack. He was a 40 yr old widower.

We dated for about 1 year and i often asked him questions what was it he liked about me. He said the way i present myself, the way i think, i am a relaxed person and mature. Unfortunately the affair had to end as he was cheating on me with women his age.

Now i am seeing another guy, we have been together for 4 months. He is great to hang around, fun we like going out a lot. Again i discovered his age and i had a temporary shock attack thats when this raised concern. Now as i am 25yrs, he is 39 and he is suggesting he wants me to visit his parents. What should i do???????????

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Our expert says:
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Hi Boogybabe,
What seems curious here, isn't that you seem to date older men, but that (a) you seem to pick men who are older, but abandon the relationship when you discover their age, and (b) that you seem so bothered by their age.
Maybe what you're really responding to isn't their age in years, but a preference for more mature guys, who don't behave so much like the younger fellows ? And you are mature for your age, too.
Boys are still becoming, something ; men ARE something, good or bad. Boys are work in progress, men are finished. Boys are a journey, men a destination ? Maybe.
As to whether your family might have a problem about this, that varies very widely, and depends on the family. What do you think ? Could you discuss it with them ? judy makes an excellent point --- you're 25 and mature for your age, and can make your own decisions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cool Aid | 2004/09/22

This is where most of my experience lies, DATING OLDER MEN! When I was 23 I dated a 55 year old millionare devorced from his lesbian wife. It was probably one of the best men I have ever been with. The only reason why it never worked was the fact that he spends 6 months in South Africa and the other 6 he is in teh UK and other neighbouring countries. We connected brilliantly, I made him feel young and the reaction we got from people was quite exciting. He enjoys partying and we always had the most exciting parties together.

But what I am greatful for the most was the opportunity to learn from him, I think that was teh time I acquired most of my self confidence and sophisms and it genuinely improved me as a person. The funny thing was that I left him for a much younger guy who treated me like shit!

But we still remain best friends and he will be landing next month to spend yet another 6 months in South Africa.
I prefer older men, not all of them are ass holes or I probably dont give them a chance to be.

Just my $2 worth.

CA(Drama Queen)

Reply to Cool Aid
Posted by: Inc | 2004/09/22

I have to still meet a wise old man... the older men I know are all very childish... especially the ones that have re-entered their childhood again...so I say hold onto the one that you have.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: judy | 2004/09/22

Boogybabe,
I'm not sure if you know what you want, otherwise you wouldn't be worried about what your parents think - at 25!
Do u think they would rather have you being mistreated by a 28yr old?! I dont think so!ed
I'd say dont be intimidated by age, but take your time to know what you want and to know him better.

Reply to judy
Posted by: Mona | 2004/09/22

Age doesnt matter, what matters is love and hapiness! I'm 29, and my husband 43, so its the same age gap as you and your boyfriend, 14 years, and i'm very very very happy, he is young at heart and we enjoy all the same things. I was married to a younger man before this, and we almost killed each other, i much prefer older (not old... ha ha) men!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Lucia | 2004/09/22

Oh crap - I did not suffer from depression before, but now I have it in it's full blown form - 39 / 40 old ?????????

Does anyone have any spare meds they can donate ? The more the better, especially ones that will make you forget how old you are.

BB - you are only as old as you feel, act and behave. I am 39 but still feel 25 (some bad days maybe 30). I think your male friend might feel the same - give him a chance - and oh, before I forget - here's a little secret ......39 is not old my dear child !

Reply to Lucia
Posted by: boogybabe | 2004/09/22

I love him very much. Its true when u say they treat u like queen. He has been very nice, enjoying each other's company taking places. He even have the decency to come out of dinner party with friends and gives me call rather than the young ones who would disappear for a weekend without notifying you.

My biggest problem is if he decides to get married (which i would love) wont my family have a problem with it???

Reply to boogybabe
Posted by: boogybabe | 2004/09/22

I love him very much. Its true when u say they treat u like queen. He has been very nice, enjoying each other's company taking places. He even have the decency to come out of dinner party with friends and gives me call rather than the young ones who would disappear for a weekend without notifying you.

My biggest problem is if he decides to get married (which i would love) wont my family have a problem with it???

Reply to boogybabe
Posted by: boogybabe | 2004/09/22

I love him very much. Its true when u say they treat u like queen. He has been very nice, enjoying each other's company taking places. He even have the decency to come out of dinner party with friends and gives me call rather than the young ones who would disappear for a weekend without notifying you.

My biggest problem is if he decides to get married (which i would love) wont my family have a problem with it???

Reply to boogybabe
Posted by: Koekie | 2004/09/22

ja die jonger mans is not in hulle "storm en drang" jare

RATHER A OLD MAN'S DARLING THAN A YOUNG MAN'S SLAVE

baie waar woorde

Reply to Koekie
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/09/22

Hi there,

You seem to already have a hang-up about the age difference, so I would suggest you take things a bit slower for now.
Come to terms with your comfort zone first. Age is but a number. I say you have a hang-up about the age thing because you use rather strong words to describe your feelings around the difference in your ages. Even your title suggests that you're not all too kosher with this setup.
If it gets to you now, its definitely gonna get to you later as well.
This is just my opinion BB, I could be wrong. I've spoken to a female friend not so long ago, & she said to me that if she ever breaks up with her present husband, her next would most definitely be a much older man, for the same reasons that CP Mom gave above. I was surprised, but it did make sense to me.

Best of luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Mo | 2004/09/22

They know what they what in life and they get it. I am not sure if you realize but what any older man wants is younger woman because it makes him fill young again. And if that is what he wants like you said above (they know what they want in life, how to get it. They know how to treat you.)
Also what could a 25 year old girl could possibly have incomen with a man who is 40- 50.
Man are still dogs it’s just when they are older they have more tricks.

Reply to Mo
Posted by: Inc | 2004/09/22

Boogeybabe, age is nothing but a number. It is obvious that you are more mature for your 25 years... hence the reason that you seem to connect with older men.
The best relationship that I ever had was with a guy 8 years younger than me... but that just goes to show that the mind can be more mature than the body. You should do what makes you happy... don't judge someone on a number (age)... if a relationship works for you then go ahead!

Reply to Inc
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/09/22

Dear Boogybabe - I speak from personal experience when I said that in my 7 years of being divorced the best boyfriend / lover / man I've ever had in my life was 16 years older than me.

I find that older men are patient, undertanding, they know what they want in life, how to get it. They know how to treat you.

Yes there are some negative things but the good thing outweigh the bad.

Go meet his parents and enjoy him.

Reply to CP MOM

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