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Question
Posted by: John | 2008/07/15

Love and STDs

HI there

I have fallen in love with a very special man. I never thought it would happen at age 40, but it has. We've been seeing each other for about three months now and we do have safer sex. However, there is something I am dreading to tell him: I contracted Syphilis in my late twenties, and everytime I go for an STD screening, it shows up positive, then they do another test and tell me it is an old infection and nothing to worry about. Two weeks ago he brought up the topic of STD's and suggested we get tested together for everything, including HIV. I said yes, but my heart sank when I realised he was going to know that I had an STD in the past. How do I tell him such an embarrassing thing about my past. I was promiscuous in my twenties, and it is not something I am proud of. Now I look back at all the risks I used to take and cannot believe the danger I put myself in. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I really do want to tell him before we go for the tests, I just don't know when, or how. I don't want him to find out from a stranger (doctor) about this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi John, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

It sounds as if you're blowing this out of all proportion - there's no sin in having had an STI! You had syphilis and it was treated. Simple. Your history isn't a threat to your relationship - your embarrassment and reluctance to tell him are causing the problem.

So sit him down and tell him the truth - that many years ago you contracted syphilis and got treatment, but that it still shows up in your blood tests. And then let the doctor explain to him why this happens, what it means and that he is not at any risk of infection.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/07/16

Hey John....You seriously wouldn't want to ruin this scenario would you...and by this I mean by keeping quiet? EVERYONE has some sort of past. Yours is no different ...you HAVE to tell him! Some Guys get cold sores...that's the herpes virus-someone passed it on too. We're not asking you to give him a list of the Guys names.....just own up, and get on with life. If he has a problem accepting this, then I'm afraid you're never going to be able to continue an honest scenario with this man, and that's not going to allow you two to build a healthy relationship. Full stop! Cheers

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/07/15

There is no good time for bad news. The easiest way is to just tell. Don’t beat about the bush, he might think you are hiding something else. Honesty is always the best policy. If you had gone as far as discussing HIV and going to tests together, why not the rest? If he really loves you in return, if you are meant to be together, and if you want a stable relationship, be honest, even if it hurts. Remember that no one is perfect. I know this is not easy and it will most probably be hell to be honest, but if you are serious about him, you simply HAVE to tell, and do it as soon as possible.

Reply to LONEWOLF

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