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Question
Posted by: hanah | 2005/07/28

love

Hi

I really need some advice on how to forgive & forget someone I really love. A few months ago a colleague of mine who works closely with me and whom I also consider to be my buddy confessed that he was in love with me even though he is engaged to someone else. I realised I also had feelings for him but becoz I knew he was engaged I tried to avoid the issue.

We really love each other and he tried to break the engagement and explain to his family that he is in love with me but his family would not let him and his fiancee became depressed and threatened suicide. To please his parents he is going to marry this girl on the 21 August. I am finding it difficult to work with him and can't leave work due to commitments, I even asked him to leave but he wants to get married and still work with me.

We dont talk to each other anymore unless it is work related but it hurts and I feel like I am headed for a nervous breakdown. I am seeing a psychologist. I some how feel that this is my fault and I should never have got involved with him in the first place but it was my heart that I could not control.

Your opinions and advice on my dilemma would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No family ought to be able to STOP someone from breaking an engagement, or making other decisions in their own life --- it's not the family's right. They can advise against it and give reasons, but shouldn't interfere in such a way. A forced marriage like this, between two such unhappy people is likely to fail and to cause greater suffering to both of them. Both should, rather seek individual counselling, and postpone deciding on marriage --- which should never be done to satisfy the parents rather than the two individuals involved. Blaming yourself won't help you or him or her. Work with your own shrink on your own issues.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nik | 2005/07/28

i can't possibly understand that in today's day and age, taking into consideration the escalating divorce rates and cheatings within relationships, somebody will actually marry somebody else because it will make 'parents happy' in the end who is stuck with who, and you could be his one and yet they interfere!

Reply to nik
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/28

One never really knows who and why you fall in love with.He is not propably 100 pc about his feelings about you or the other woman but he has chosen her,so try and move on.Don't allow him to play you on the side.
It might mean looking for another job but you need to rid yourself of him.

Good luck

Reply to SG
Posted by: hanah | 2005/07/28

thanx for replying !

I know he is a coward and u are right I deserve better, just wish I didnt have to see him everyday cant stand the sight of him and I dread coming to work. Hopefully I will be able to find another job soon.

Reply to hanah
Posted by: Jasmine | 2005/07/28

I would try to forget about him - he will probably end up being divorced anyway. People should not marry because of fearing dissappointment from their parents! He has no backbone in that case. There are many fish in the sea - son't waste another day of your life thinking of what could have been. Treat him like any other co-worker.

Reply to Jasmine

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