Posted by: Alice | 2008/07/21

Lost Love for my husband

Hi Everyone,
I don' t think I still love my husband and that is killing me. I don' t feel the way I used to feel about him. Everytime I look at him I don' t get anything.We' ve been through so much together good and bad.I never thought I' ll feel like this about him. This days I notice other men in the way that I don' t like, it' s like I' m not married.
My husband cheated on me, 3 yrs ago and it was terrible. He insisted on having a relationship with the women, he even told me he loved the women and so much happened. This afair went on for more than 6 moths. I went for counselling then, by myself because he din' t want to go for marriage counselling with me. It' s unfortunate that even today I still cry when I remember what he did and how he treated me then Even now as I' m typing my eyes are full with tears.
Only last year he started telling me that he regrets what he did, that he made poor judgement and all, but I don' t feel his empathy and I still think he doesn' t understand what that did to me. After that our relation is been a turmoil, I lost respect for him and I started talking to him in whatever way with no respect at all.
This January he told me for the 100th time that he wants a divorce, I was shocked but I accepted. For 3 months he' ll be telling me how he wants a divorce, how he got app' s with lawyers and telling me that I shouldn' t be confused whe he' s nice to me he still going ahead with the divorce. In April just days before he got his hiv result he told me he need to talk to me and what he wants to say to me it' s something that will build our relationship. We made an app to talk on Fri and on Thurs his results came in and they were +ve. Can you imagine the scare at that time but fortunately I tested -ve. And now after 3 yrs of trying to get him to go with me for marrital counselling he finally agreed. And I question he' s sudden changes...why now is it because he realise he needs me now more than ever because....he bacame wiser or because he' s hiv +ve. Believe you me this man has also been very good to me and we got 3 kids together that I believe are holding us together sometimes cause it' s really bad....Now I feel I want to walk away and never come back but I look at my kids, the way they adore their father the life that they have and I don' t think I can walk away. Last month i saw a guy at the party and I was so attracted to him in a way that surprised me. I' m married I shouldn' t be going around falling for other guys. But now I realise is because I don' t have feelings for my husband anymore.
I want to try marriage counselling before I make any big decisions.
What do you guys think, CS please help??
Thank You All :-(

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Our expert says:
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I understand your distress and puzzlement, but as you'll understand, we can't answer the major questions you have --- maybe even he might not be capable of being honest enough, even with himself, to answer them. But this would be a good time to get him into marriage counselling --- not with a determination to save the marriage at all costs, but to understand what has been and still is happening, and to enable you boh to make more sensible and wise decisions about the future. YOu need to take all precautions to retain your HIV- status. But remember he is facing a situation he freelly chose to create, disregarding your feelings and even safety ; so your needs, safety and happiness must be the primary aim of any counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: paty | 2008/07/22

I dont even know where to begin,i just showed the story you posted to a friend of mine who knows my marital problems and she said im lying if i said i ddnt write all this.The only difference is that i have only 1 kid and that im hiv+ by himas well.The rest of the story is me.I ddnt know that theres someone out there who feels exactly the way i do ithought maybe im going crazy.What i want to say to you my sister is that u make sure that u dont get this virus on top of whatever pain and suffering u went through.The fact that i dont feel anything makes me to be ok because i told myself that one day im gonna take him out of my heart and out of my life.So now im so numb towards him even if he touches me idont feel anything for him.Even if he presses rhe button that made me hot neeee!! nothing is happening.So my sista actually told me to block my emotions and i told her its impossible but now im there my sista and im free.I use to ask all sorts of questions like WHERE R U?WHO U WITH?WHY R U LATE?WHO WAS ON THE FONE?Now i dont and im so happy cos i know i have conquered.I dont have a space for his pathetic love anymore its wasted.He can go to AMERICA for all i care and come back nxt yr its ok.My daughter and my job are my priorities for now.So im so excited to answer you cos ifeel the way you do.If you feel counselling will help your marriage go ahead because maybe for you theres hope.GOOD LUCK!!!!

Reply to paty
Posted by: xxx | 2008/07/22

this is probably gonna sound insensitive and brutal.. but every dog has his day and it seems like he is gonna have a good few really bad days. say what u want but i hate a cheating man. ive had a family member die of HIV because her husband was cheating and came home and infected her. Thank God everyday that your negative. Pick up the pieces of ur life and move on with your kids. He made his bed so let him lie in it. You deserve so much better than what he has done to you. My mom always says... Never make a woman cry coz God sees her tears and things will come back tenfold.. and this proves that saying again.. Good luck in what you decide!

Reply to xxx
Posted by: sindi | 2008/07/22

Sorry to hear that, but in case it was you who cheated and become + he was going to divorce you straight away without even going to the press or counselling, my sista is hard and painfull but be strong for your kids and pray to God cos he protected u, your soul comes once and start caring for yourself and live a life, your hubby is tasting his own medicine.

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