Posted by: micheale | 2008/11/13

Lost everything - worried re kids

I am a single mom with 3 kids who has just her home. the kids are devastated and i' m depressed cause i let them down. kids are 4,9 and 13. It means they have to move schools and we are moving in with my parents (seperate entrance). We used to have a 3 bedroom with yard and pool. they' ve been so good lately, cleaning house etc, it' s as if they think that being good will allow us to stay. How do I make it easier for them..I' m so dispondant?

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Our expert says:
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Shame, it's a common assumption made by kids that being extra good will somehow put things right. You need to talk this over with them calmly, to explain that you've had to lose the house for now, because of financial problems, and that this is neither your fault nor theirs. That you love them and greatly appreciate all their goodness and help. And remind them that the love you have for each other is a wealth nobody can buy nor take away from you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: hope | 2008/11/14

in prayer you get everything your heart might not seem practical now but in due caue you will be blessed for everything you have ever done.and when God blesses He doesnt just bless you but your kids as well and their kids to come. stay strong and remain on your not emotinally storng either and when things go wrong i turn to break completely but one thing I alwasy do is stay on my knees. the distance between what you dont have and what you want is the same distance between your knees and the floor.never doubt that He will not bring you to a situation that He will not get you through.and your kids are blessed to have a mom like to them and like everyone said love them with all you have and you will get 10fold of it back.

Reply to hope
Posted by: Mom | 2008/11/14

I came from broken home too, we lost all our creature comforts and stayed in a small room with no electricity and our bathroom was a bucket.

Our mom loved us and fed us and thats all that matters at the end of the day. The creature comforts will come back in due time, just stay a family and share the love.

They will adjust, we did and I am better person for it.

You are a a good mom, now smile and know tomorrow will be better.

Reply to Mom
Posted by: SW | 2008/11/13

Hi Michaele,

I have been through it, having everything to having to cramp into a house with no hot water, live out of boxes, unable to afford the luxuries that they were used to, without a car. The kids had to adjust, but it brought us closer. Hang in there, don' t lose your self respect and with time and prayer, you will get through it. You have your kids with you and though you might feel that they don' t deserve this, it will make you and them appreciate everything so much more. I am now much better off than what I was before I had to let go of everything that I had. I also did not want to fight for maintenance. Today I have a beautiful house, car, job, the kids go to a good school. We as women often underestimate our strength. You don' t need a man to make you or break you. Best of luck to you and the kids.

Reply to SW
Posted by: Michaele | 2008/11/13

Yes SG, you guessed it...not getting the maintenance and I don' t have enough backbone to handle the emotional trauma of fighting again. I feel suicidal for not fighting for their maintenance but the mere idea of being humiliated and degraded again makes me freeze in fear. I can only do my best and love them with all my might.... but the guilt is eating me up.

Reply to Michaele
Posted by: cm | 2008/11/13

Shit- i am sorry- AFTER EVERY CLOUD COMES A RAINBOW> > > > >  remember that. Please try very hard not to show your frustration in front of the kids as they pick it up, if you make it as much ' fun'  as it can be (not that it can be =- but you know what i am saying...'  it helps to ease them, I too had to move out of a huge place (8 yrs ago) with a kid that was used to everything, but i made her apart of everything, let her decide where to put the furniture for example... moving school is not nice but kids are resillient... they bounce back. and make friends quick. they WILL be fine, hang in there and lift your head...if you are not working- FIND work and make things happen for you again... all things comes right after x amount of struggle... Just be positive and surround yourself with positive people...

Reply to cm
Posted by: Sg | 2008/11/13

This is a very tough time for you and your children but try your best to shower them with love.
You don' t give reasons for losing your house but I hope it is not because your ex is not paying you maintenance or not his proper share.
I wish you all of the very best.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/13

Nows the time you need to shower them with as much love as you can. More hugs etc..Never make them feel as though this is any of their fault.
Hang in there, this is going to be a rough one for you.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: michaele | 2008/11/13

typed so fast, spelling errors!! sorry. I meant to say I lost everything and kids need to adjust to different standard of living? feel like I let them down.

Reply to michaele

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