Posted by: Missy | 2009/05/25



I feel really sad, not that I really have any reason to.
I just look at other people,all they have or all they have accomplished and I just feel sad
for myself.Or just wish that my circumstances were different.
I sometimes wonder if I was meant to struggle all my life...
I am 26, no tertiary education, dead-end job, live from hand to mouth, no assets etc.
I do have a wonderful family, our fair share of problems.
My father, has always worked hard, low paying job and stopped working a couple of years ago due to his health.
My mom has always been a house wife which I am glad for as I can just imagine what things would be like without her there.
As a result I could not study as there was never money.
My brother but mostly I have been supporting every one ever since as we have younger siblings.

Thing is that it' s such a struggle, I would work from 8am-5pm and then from 5pm-9pm just so that I can earn extra because something always comes up.
End of the month comes and I pay the bills,fees, buy food, all the basics I have not a cent left and have to scrap by till the next month.
I feel like a zombie!I have a wonderful bf, been together for 2yrs and speaking about marriage.
The thing is even though I would love to get married and study and plan my life with this guy I cannot really because I need to look after my family.
By this age most of my friends are married, have a kid or two, have studied, are comfortably in their chosen career field, have their own house, car etc and here I am still staying with my parents and nothing to show for myself.

I pretend to be content and have not a care in the world but I am so frustrated, I feel like there' s no way out.
Like I will be working myself to the bone until the day I die, I have also incurred a couple of thousands of rands debt too as a result of emergencies that I could not afford, resulting in me taking out a loan.
All these things are really taking its toll on me and I just feel like I can' t cope anymore, it' s affecting my work, my mind
I have never really spoken to anyone about this as I do not want people to pity me and never ever speak about money issues as I' m afraid it might give me away.
For me it seems like I need to do more, like I' m sitting here waiting for something to happen.Or that I' m not doing things right but ... I do not know what to do, where to start or in which direction to go.

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Our expert says:
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NEVER forget that comparing yourself to others is always unfair to you. You, you know from the inside, with all the secrets. Them, you only know from the outside, seeing only what they choose to show you, what may all be a pretense. And they are probably pretending just as hard as you admit you do in front of them.
You have a great family, something many people sadly do not have. Tertiary eduation as such isn't useful, unless it is required for some further career you want to move into. This isn't a great time to be looking for work, but there could be a better job available for you with your existing qualifications and experience.
You have a wonderful bf, something most women want and many don't ever find. DOn't assume marriage is impossible --- discuss it with him, and see what you can work out together.
OK, we don't talk of our problems to just anyone --- but there are counsellors, ministers, and others you can talk to, and who can be helpful. They wont pity you, only thinking of how you could improve the situation, and how they might help. Don't fear admitting money is a problem --- that's not giving anything away, that's admitting to a situation many people experience and can sympathize with. Check on the availability of counselling --- maybe chat to Lifeline, and see i there are local meetings of the Depression/ Anxiety Support Group

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Tweety | 2009/05/25

I feel with you.Been like that my whole life.I' m married and 40 years old.Life is just one financial struggle.Because of my ex husbands doings, I would never be able to have a house of my own, gonna rent for the rest of my life, sometimesI wonder if I' m gonna end up in old age in a caravan in the back of someone' s yard.There' s never money for extras, we dont have any debts, cant afford any accounts.What I try to do is to look around me, there is always someone less fortunate than me...then i feel gratefull for the little that I have,

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