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Question
Posted by: LOST | 2007/05/31

LOSING IT

I'm in deep debt and mostly due to helping out my mother. Give a little extra here and there. Then it went over to giving large amounts loaned by the bank or part of my study loan. I have never expected her to give anything back, but now I am in debt and people are phoning me everyday. I cannot handle this anymore I am going to lose the last bit of sanity I have left.

My mom has had financial problems most of her life, my dad has never taken responsibility as the father and man of the house, he just buys whatever he wants when he pleases and thus my mom has put me in this role for most of my life, discussing her worries with me when I was still a girl in school, from an early age I would lie awake at night and wonder what will happen to us and I still do. This month she did not have petrol in her car and the electricity was threatened to be cut off, so I gave her some money when I got my pay, which I assumed she would give back when she gets paid. Now she cant give it back and I have to face all the calls that are going to be coming through tommorrow.

I'm so sick and tired of this life, I wish I had different parents, they have poisoned me with this bad life which I desperately tried to stay away from. The stresses over the last seven years of my life are now eating me alive. I cant live anymore. I have also given my brother some money which he will never pay back. This is having an effect on my relationship. My partner does not get along with my family, he has a serious dislike for them, he says they use me.

I live with them, because I am still young and have nowhere else to go. I am so angry with my mom for torturing me with her stresses. I want to cry and fall asleep and never wake up.

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Our expert says:
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if your mom is hopeless at handling money and has ALWAYS got herself into major financial problems, then giving her money ( which apparently you didn' and still can't afford ) is useless, and indeed only encourages her to continue to be feckless. And WHY can't she efver pay you back anything ? How does she waste all her money so that she can't spend it on what she needs to spend it on ? Don't accept her problems, and the problems she chooses to cause, as your own.
Useful contribution from Ness, well worth reading carefully. Stop paying your mother's debts, and look for a place of you own asap so that you can be independent and work on your own financial situation, with the advice of your bank

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ness | 2007/05/31

As of tomorrow they legally have to help her. Its just that simple, its the law.

Reply to Ness
Posted by: LOST | 2007/05/31

I could never turn my back on her. I feel sorry that she has never had anyone that would stand by her and take care of her. She did the best she could when we were kids and in a sense I feel I owe her. But I cant handle this struggle anymore. She has found herself in some situations that are not completely her fault. She has been to the bank on various occasions but they do not help or fix the problems they have caused.

Reply to LOST
Posted by: Ness | 2007/05/31

The last paragraph is what applies to you

Reply to Ness
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/31

Well, it sounds like you already have a job and you're still living with your parents, if you pay rent then it's absolutely ridiculous to help them with other stuff too. But if you don't pay rent then it's understandable to help out a bit with the costs!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Ness | 2007/05/31

National Credit Act not a licence to increase your debt before June
March 3, 2007

By Neesa Moodley

If you are entering into loan agreements and committing yourself to debt, be warned that the National Credit Act (NCA), which comes into full force on June 1, will not apply to any loan agreements taken out before then.

You will also not be able to default on credit agreements that you entered into before June and cite the NCA as your protection. This means you will be fully liable for any credit agreements entered into before June 1.

Reckless lending provisions in the NCA (these place more responsibility on stores and banks that give you credit or lend you money). But these provisions will apply only to transactions entered into after June this year, Peter Setou, the senior manager of education and strategy at the National Credit Regulator (NCR), warns.

However, the Banking Association this week announced it had a code of conduct which banks have promised to adhere to with immediate effect. The principles of the new code will remain in force as a minimum standard for banks even after the NCA comes into play in June, Cas Coovadia, the managing director of the Banking Association says.

Some of the provisions in the new code of conduct for banks include:


Bank representatives will inform you at the beginning of a telephone conversation that the call is about a credit offer and the conversation will continue only if you agree. The representative will end the call if you, at any point, indicate you are not interested in the offer.

Banks will contact customers to offer credit only if they have assessed the customer's ability to repay the debt.

The bank will inform you that a preliminary assessment indicates you qualify for the offer but you will still be taken through the appropriate credit checks and Financial Intelligence Centre Act (FICA) processes if you accept the offer.


Banks will limit their credit approaches to the hours between 8am and 7pm from Monday to Friday and between 8.30am and 1pm on Saturdays.

Unless you agree to it, salespeople will not contact you more than once every two months to offer you the same product and calls will be subject to client confidentiality. All outgoing call-centre campaigns will be recorded.

The code will cover all communication channels, including direct mail, call centres, SMSs, e-mails and faxes.

For existing bank clients, provisions of the new code of conduct include:


Banks will ensure that they regularly and accurately update your credit bureaux records with regard to credit agreements you have made.

They will make you offers based only on an estimate of your ability to repay the loan using your last known salary and internal customer account information, as well as your debt obligations as listed by the credit bureaux.

Bank employees will confirm they are speaking to you before making you any offers telephonically.

The salesperson will ensure the product is fully explained and an explicit decision is obtained from you.

If you are not a client of the bank that is offering you a credit service, then the bank will make the funds available to you only once you have signed the necessary documentation.

From June, debt-counselling services will be available to you if you are unable to honour credit agreements. However, the service is not about pardoning defaulters or writing off debt but is about assisting consumers who have more debt than they can afford to reschedule or restructure so that repayments are at manageable levels.

Reply to Ness

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