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Question
Posted by: GG | 2007/04/04

LOOSING IT

GOOD DAY
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS NOW. SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I WILL MARRY HER SOMEDAY(WHEN I'M MORE FINANSIALLY SOUND). SHE'S BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT HEADACHE'S FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS. SHE'S GONE THROUGH A LOT OF TESTS. BUT THY SAY THERE IS NOTHING. SHE IS SICK ALL THE TIME.I MEAN SHE GETS SICK JUST WHEN STUFF GET A LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT AT WORK. SHE HAS GONE FROM WORK IN THE LAST TREE MONTHS 4 TIMES. WHEN WE GET TO THE DOCTER SHE LOOKS SICKER THAN BEFORE. SHE'S ALWAYS VERY "DOWN", ALWAYS COMLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING, PEOPLE, CIRCUMSTANCE WE FIND OURSELFS IN, ETC.
WHEN I JUST FEEL A LITTLE BIT UNDER THE WEATHER SHE TURNS SICK.I HAVE BEEN CHEERFUL TRIEING TO LIFT HER UP AND MOTIVATE HER, AND SOMETIMES IT WORKS AFTER I HAVE TRIED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR (OR LONGER). BUT I CAN NOT HAVE THAT 1 DOWN DAY THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE NOW AND THEN. I AM STUDYING LAW AND IT'S NO JOKE DOING IT PART TIME(BECAUSE I HAVE A 7:30 - 16:00 JOB). I'M GETTING ERITATED WITH EVERYTHING. IT LOOKS AS IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP HERSELF. AT THIS STAGE I AM CARRYING HER (MENTALY). WHAT CAN I DO TO GET HET TO HELP HERSELF, TO BE BETTER MOTIVATED, AND THEN NOT BEING DEAD SICK IF HER TROUGHT JUST A LITTLE BIT ITCHI, ETC.
PS:NO MEDICINES PLEASE( IF POSSIBLE)

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Our expert says:
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Her "sick", like her complaints of headache, may be ways of evading difficulties at work or lsewhere in her life, and she would benefit from some realistic CBT style counselling to sort out this maladaptive pattern before it becomes too firm a habit. And when she gets "sick" it is HER task to cheer herself up and get out of it --- your hard efforts are rewarding her for being "sick" and discouraging her from being otherwise.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: GG | 2007/04/04

Thanks Joy

Didn't think someone would reply.but thank you.
no, we don't stay together but she gets very upset if she doesn't see me each day. she will do anything for me, but almost feels asif she wants me to live her life. and i don't want that. i mean would you want to date your child or yourself? i will defenitly try the things you said but the thing about study, well that one i tried allready and she said that she can sit with me, and that she would do something else while i study. but in the end she kept asking me if i saw this, i must quikly look at that etc.
i am a very calm guy, so she doesn't know any of this but i don't want to say anything about this directly to her.

i just feel asif i may be losing it and i can't afford to lose it now. sometimes it just all gets to much.

Thank you again
GG

Reply to GG
Posted by: Joy | 2007/04/04

She doesnt need medicine necessarily but seriously needs some counselling it seems. There's obviously something deep-set thats getting her under and maybe she'll see it fit to talk to somebody and ofload..someone besides you. In turn this could give you a bit of a break too. Do you guys stay together? If you dont, maybe on your off days you should just tell her you cant come through to see her and need some time to study or simply that you're feeling in and want to go to bed early. I think she's being a bit inconsiderate..and i've realised that when one of the couple is always the counsellor/doctor/shoulder-to-cry on..thats all he'll be ALL the time! and when you have a day off, she cant consider that you might need the special attention then. Mabye just distance yourself from her a bit, maybe she'll realize that everything doesnt revolve around her and that you have needs that need to be respected also.

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