Posted by: Dee | 2009/04/15

Looking after my elderly mom

Hello.My mom is 70 yrs old. Over the past 2 years she has become sickly often ( she has ulceritive colitus ) She will not be admitted to hospital though, until she is so weak that she cannot eat , drink , bath or even stand up, . We then physically take her in to hospital, or call an ambulance. Her female friend , and myself are continually running back and forth cooking, cleaning and taking care of her from the time she gets ill until the time that she is admitted. The Doctors have told her often, that when she starts having problems to immediately come to hospital - as the longer she waits the worse she gets, and the longer it takes for her to recover, but each time it happens she refuses to go in.
She is becoming more and more stubborn and more demanding and I do love her, but I am really battling . I am becoming very drained and am really taking strain. Is there any one you can recommed that I could go and see and talk to? do you maybe make appointments with people? please could you advise. I live in the Bedfordview area.

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Our expert says:
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I know eactly what this is like, Dee. I was faced with a similar situation when my late mother, following a stroke and head injury, developed dementia, and became increasiongly dependent, having always been a fiercely and brilliantly independent woman. It is difficult, and hard to do ; and however much you do, you will always wish you had somehow done more. But not to do all you can would be even worse to face. See a p[ersonal counsellor to help maintain your own strength. Have a chat to your local Hospice, as they or maybe some other visiting nurses might be able to care for her for short periods of time, even at home, and let you have even a few days of respite.
Cancer is an awful illness to deal with, but at a certain stage it can become fairly predictable and steadily downhill. Dementia is much less predictable and, because the person is unable to be helpful, more difficult. And Ulcerative Colitis is very difficult in its own way, with its pattern of worsening and improvement and worsening again. Maybe if yopur mom would see a counsellor, she could be helped to handle the situation a bit better, and if she was emotionally more at peace, could not only co-operate better with treatment, but also less emotional turmoil could result in some improvement of the condition itself

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Our users say:
Posted by: Natalie | 2009/04/15

Well she is your mom afterall and you will be rewarded one day for what you do for her. Lets see what CS has to say.

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