Our expert says:
It does sound as though therapy --- with a common-sense format like CBT, rather than the endless mess of analytic therapy --- and rthough early life abuse is most unfair and unfortunate, it shouldn't become an excuse for behaving badly or unkindly to others. Some people may indeed experience some personality and other problems, who were abused as children --- but so do many people who were not abused, and many people who were abused grow to be charming and stable people.
When you describe her abandoning a nappy change when the kid has an entirely normal erection, that is serious over-reaton, and does strongly suggest that she needs to work with a therapist, on the assumptions and automatic thoughts she is carrying through life with her, which may be fruitfully revised.
I think part of my concern would be that therapy should focus on her problem attitudes and behaviours ( which cause problems for her and for others ) rather than focussing on what may be assumed to be the cause --- that she was abused is something nobody can change. How she chooses to respond to that, she can change and improve.
Its important that she be encouraged to realise how unhappy this emoptional baggage makes her, and that it needs to be revised for HER sake, rather than letting her see it as something she's being pressed into for someone else's sake. As one of the com,ments says, she is continuing the abuse of herself, by allowing it to continue to affect her in this way, and needs to allow herself to be helped to escape from that trap.
And as regards the child's upbringing the over-riding concern has to be what's good for him, not what she wants ( or what you want, as such ).
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