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Question
Posted by: shyguy_2046 | 2005/11/21

Long distance reltionship advice needed

Dear Cybershrink.
Im a 20 year old guy who has an online girlfriend from australia.W e have never met but have been doing a long distance relationship for a year.i dont have many friends.i love my girlfriend.But lately i have been feeling so lonely.I dont know why.My gf and i were supposed to chat on monday ( last monday) on the net like we always do.but she was not there.On Monday i e-mailed her and smsed her and no reply,i did the same on Tuesday and Wednesday. On thursday i got an e-mail from her saying her phone was off and that she was busy.She also said she was sorry.That night, i smsed her.her 2nd sms said she was always explaining herself to me and that she kept on defending herself.i replied by asking her if i smothered her.she said no.i love you and i love the fact that you care about me.I am getting mixed signals.I told a female friend my problem and she said that it is her period.could it be.we spoke again today and she told me she was in a grumpy mood and that i should relax and that she just wants a chilled thing.i still feel hurt from last week.I feel like i am in two.
She says she loves me all the time but she thinks that what happened last week is nothing and should just blow over. i cant stop thinking about this.this is the second time she wasnt here but this time her cellphone was off.I know i get jealous sometimes but i truly love her and care for her.this is killing me.Also in 2007 it will be her 1st time in university.She wants to go to university in adelaide or golden coast.What bugs me is when we started going out she told me of this guy in adelaide who just wanted to have sex with her.They are still friends but im sure he will go for her if she goes to adelaide.I wont be able to do anything because i am here in South Africa.The 1st time we will see each other will only be next year in 2006 in November.I dont want to be hurt by her if she has sex with this guy or goes out with him.I am sure she wont do it.but i am also sure that this guy will try,im sure he is better looking because i am overweight.She knows what i look like but when we meet for the first time it will be diffrent.She is very overweight but i love her with my whole sou.she has beautiful eyesl.Please help me.I still want to be with her.a part of me thinks she is the one even though is is 16.Thank you so much

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Love can be uncomfortable, can't it ? And with a long-distance relationship, it's hard for either of you to be sure of what's going on at the other side. There are many reasons why she might have been out of contact for a few days, most of them nothing worth bothering about ( gee, if it was Telkom providing her phone service, that would happen a few times every year as a routine. !) You say that you have faith and trust in her --- yet you feel uneasy. If she is the woman you think she is, and the woman you love, surely she will not accept the adelaide guy's lures, and won't get Adelaide. And meanwhile, why don't you work on a diet and some gym, and take care of your overweight, and give her a treat when you meet each other next year ?
And also, as ... wisely says, long-distance relationships are tough anyway, especially when you two haven't even actually met yet. Don't set yourself up for hurt by having hopes that are unrealistially high about who she will turn out to be and what will or won't happen between the two of you. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket --- work on developing other friends, too, as any relationship that is too exclusive can develop its own problems, too

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/21

Haai Shaaigaai. Dissie entlik 'n rerige verhouding nie jong. Ek meen, hoe kan jy uitgaan met iemand wat jy nog nie ontmoet hettie? Jy lees te veel isuus in die toekoms in man. Wie se dit sal als gebeer wat jy dink? Sy is nog jonk en jy kannie keer dat sy verhoudings met anner ouens hettie. Wees net daar indien sy jou dalkies nodig het. En traai 'n girl kry ietwat nader jong. Dan sal jy sien die een wat ver weg is tel nie meer so kwaai nie.

Reply to Frosty
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/21

your relationship with this girl is far from a REAL relationship, and even though you feel deep feelings for her.... and want to spend your life with her.... you both can't continue as though you are committed to each other, until you have actually met face to face and spend time together doing the things that "normal" couples do.

You are both very young and should be getting out and about and having a great time..... you can still plan to meet each other in Nov 2006....... that doesn't need to change... but in the meantime don't let life pass you by.........

right now you living in the make believe world of what you think this girl is like... yes, you might have a good idea in many respects but nothing can prepare you for how different the experience will be in real life................ and i don't say this without any experience in this........

there is such a little chance of a relationship working between a 16 and 20 year old for any length of time... you both still have so much growing to do.... put the distance into the equation and that makes it more difficult.... then add the fact that you actually haven't MET face to face... .then your odds are even lower...........

go out have fun........ keep in contact with her.... and see where things lead to in 2006.... but carry on meeting other girls too..........

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