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Posted by: Lonely woman | 2007/04/26

Lonely Woman

Hey all. I was wondering if you could help me out a bit. Lately i have been feeling so depressed and paranoid lately. I am always thinking that my friends r pushing me away. And the worst of all, i can't find a good man in my life. It's not like i am ugly, actually i am quite a pretty girl. Always get hit on and stuff like that but i just can't get to that point of having a date. I am so lonely and lately i haven't even been going out. If anyone has some sort of motivation for me, i would really appreciate it cos lately i am thinking that my worth is nothing and if i don't get out of this i feel that i will be lonely for the rest of my life... all suggestions would be appreciated :)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its quite easy to get caught up in self-fulfilling prophecies. If you anticipate that your fiends will push you away, you will behave differently and in ways that would increase the chance that they will feel you don't want them round and thus withdraw. And when you try too hard and desperately to find that man you deserve, that sense of desperation can actually drive them away, too. Sounds also like you might have a background depression increasing your pessimism. Good local CBT style counselling should do the trick ! Get a shrink's assessment and avice in detail, as you deserve the best

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pokkel | 2007/04/30

I am 23 years old and I feel like you do too. Same story. Except: I've been single for 2 years, I know I'm not ugly, and I don't have a man in my life. AND IT'S GREAT!!!!!! I want to be single for many years to come. You know why? Because I don't need a man to make me happy. I want to study up to my doctoral, learn French, German, Spanish, Flemish, Dutch, Arabic, Chines and Japanese before I'm 35, see the world, have a great career, publish my research, make friends from every race, culture and religion. Set yourself goals, do it, live everyday fully and your depression will just lift.

Reply to Pokkel
Posted by: beenthere | 2007/04/30

Girl, i know exactly how you feel - that's how I felt at 23, but you know what - I partied like you won't believe, I was independent and responsible but I had a blast. I would hook up with my single friends and we'd hit the clubs and have a jol, I was not out there "hunting" a man, i just refused to stay at home being miserable. Get together with your friends and have lunches or something or if you do go to church, go and be intouch with your creator and allow yourself to just be. I am now 29 a single mom, a working woman and I look back and I think to my self "what a time it was - THEN". As you grow up things become different - one has responsiblilities and different priorities! Just enjoy the freedom that you have, liberate yourself girl! Good luck girl - just remember that you might have to kiss a few frogs to get to your prince - that is so true, and when you do get into a relationship don't focus on him being "thee" perfect one - just get to know a person and enjoy the moments that you'll have with them.

Reply to beenthere
Posted by: L | 2007/04/28

Hi Lonely Woman,

At the tender age of 23 and you fear you will be alone for the rest of your life .......really now.....you way to young to worry about things like that. You should be out there enjoying your life being single is the best way of doing so, believe me. I am 35 still single and never l looked back at 23 I new a lot of people to go out with and partied up a storm, never worried about getting a man.....take my word for it when you dont look it will hit you smack in the face and before you know it prince charming will be yours and at least you can say you had fun getting there and wont find the need to start your life after being married for 3 years and say i never had a life. Have it while you young and can get away with it. Stop worrying about getting a good man.....a man wont make you happy if fact they more trouble really LOL. There is plenty time for settling down when you older and wiser :).

Reply to L
Posted by: Britty | 2007/04/27

I thought that when I left to go overseas I would only leave a few but very close friends behind. However once I started sending postcards I had to dramatically increase my list of friends and in the end sent 20 cards some of which were for two people. These people have all replied to me as well and i realise I had a nice circile of friends. Maybe there is truth in making a list of your blessings as you may have more than what you realise. But if you really feel "blue" and blah about life at 23 maybe some counselling might help. Good luck as you are so young and should be enjoying yourself right now.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Very Concerned | 2007/04/27

Dear Lonley Woman

If these feelings are disturbing how you would like to live your life why not seek medical help. The idea that emotional pain is not real and that people who ask for help about it are weak or crazy is ignorant and uninformed. When feelings of depression and isolation become overwhelming you have a right to ask for professional medical help. Explain your feelings to your GP and ask him or her for a referral to a councilor or psychiatrist. Don't ignore emotional pain any more than you would physical pain both types of pain are real warnings that something is wrong and having pain doesn't make you a weak or bad person.

Reply to Very Concerned
Posted by: Lonely Woman | 2007/04/27

But i am not meant to be feeling like this at the age of 23... And u know what is the worst? I tell my friends about it and they just think i am being paranoid so that just makes it even worse. Thank u for your advice and i feel better knowing that i am not the only one, yet it is so hard to feel that things will get better! I wish u all the best.

Reply to Lonely Woman
Posted by: Lonely guy... | 2007/04/26

Hi,

In the same boat... I feel as tho I have friends, but, sometimes I feel I have none...

I try and go out as much as I can... but the loneliness just does not disappear...

Keep your head up I suppose... keep doing what you do... enjoy things and it should turn around, that's what I like to believe...

Reply to Lonely guy...

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