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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2008/06/27

Lonely

A gay man aged 32 in Bloem here and I feel as if I can go crazy with loneliness and depression. I feel like there's no pojnt any more, just endless dark days and nothing to look forward to? I totally hate being gay, does anybody else feel this way? And how do you cope? I think weekends are the worst. Just a dark hole of being alone.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Anon, welcome here and thanks for posting.

I agree - your loneliness isn't simply about being gay and your depression may have nothing to do with your sexual orientation. You need to assume responsibility for getting yourself out of that dark corner - maybe speak to your GP about your depression and make a concerted effort to get out there... plan something for the coming weekend, invite someone over or give yourself a treat. And find a copy of Exit newspaper (go to www.exit.co.za) to find out what's happening in gay Bloemfontien.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: DLB | 2008/07/01

Mystic Boer in Bloem is apparently pretty gay friendly. Bloem has LOTSA gay folk - most of the gay ppl I know have gay friends there. Why not look online for some gay ppl from there and meet up?

Reply to DLB
Posted by: Gareth | 2008/06/30

I also agree. You need to sit down and have a hard talk with yourself, and choose not to be lonely. Weekends can become the best part of your week, unless you sit and mope about being alone. It really is what you make of it. my single years were some of the best years of my life. I know it is not that easy if you are a bit shy, but to get noticed you will have to put yourself out there a bit. There are loads of things you can do. Yes, start going out to the gay-friendly places around. It might be a bit scary and less nice to go on your own at first, but pretty soon you will become a regular like Deeve said and people will start talking to you. Or join the gym. Even if you just go for a run everyday, it is a great place to meet guys, and your body gets the benifit too - win-win. Or sign up on an internet dating site, and go on a few dates with guys in your area. And don't go with the idea of "maybe this one will be THE ONE" Just go, have a coffee, and enjoy the company. Least of all you will make a few friends in the process. Alternatively, start planning some activities that you like on weekends, start a new hobby, get in your car and just drive and see where you end up, etc etc. There really is a lot you can do to get rid of this dark lonely feelings you have, but you need to take control of it. You need to change your mindset first. And yes, I don't think it is being gay that "causes" all this. You shouldn't hate who you are, because you really can be as happy as the next person. And who knows, you might just meet the right guy for you soon. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going from time to time.

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/06/30

Jonathan is right... Unfortunately, you need to take responsibilty here, and decide to make a change. Go and hang out at Gay friendly establishments.. Only then is there any likelyhood of you finding friends, or meeting anyone else. Months back, someone posted about having coffee at a Coffee Bar regularly - on your own - yes. But soon you get noticed as a regular, and people start talking to you, or you strick up a conversation, and so it goes. Just don't expect life to change over night. Set yourself up to meet others, and soon you will see things starting to change.
There definitely is life in Bloemfontein - I have Buddies that drive there from Jo'burg for a jawl sometimes.
Best of luck.

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Jonathan (aka Azrael) | 2008/06/30

Hey there!

I don't believe you hate being gay, just being LONELY...

Bloemfontein should have a gay scene, or doesn't it?

;)

Reply to Jonathan (aka Azrael)

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