Posted by: Beyond Tired going nuts | 2004/10/05

Living Life - Nutsssssssss

Hello, (Being a bit dramatic - need to babble now -sorry guys and CS)

Tell me something, is life a time to be liviing or is it only a question of surviving? If one looks at everybody in this world, each person has a story to tell, each person has been hurt, each person will hurt another and so forth. Why do we do this? What is the aim or isn't there one?
My problem is that I just don't understand why humans are allowed to be, the so called humane race is the most inhumane alive, we kill, rape, plunder, pillage, etc. We conquer each other, we survive, really how pathetic a race we are. (Angry)
I find it difficult to anyone and feel as though I will never trust again, not even the bf and he has done nothing wrong, trust is supposed to be earned but there are very few human being's alive that deserve to be trusted, not even me. I can be hard, ruthless and do it with a smile sometimes and yet be this pathetic wimp, why? (Now I only feel either despair or anger - cannot seem to turn it into something positive)

Am I right in saying that and I think if a person that has been continuously hurt and hurt over and over again, eventually dies within and gives up, switching off the emotions and just going along with whatever comes your way, irrespective whether good or bad, you take each and every moment as it happens and stuff the rest, if you get hurt, so what, hurt straight back, if you love, love back, if you're hated, hate back, whatever is done to you, do it back or turn it into yourself and forget. For those that care, care right back, but be wary of the dark horse, be wary of the wolf in sheeps clothing, just be suspicious. My mind feels lost for some reason, as though it has left me.....
I feel like someone else is taking over, a very angry person who just wants to hit out at the world, it is scary, it's building up and I can feel it within me, it feels like I am going to explode, my hands seem to almost be on a mission of there own, even writing this seems unreal, it is coming out so fast, so without bars being held. I must be frustrating you guys as am myself. Damnit, what on earth is going on with me? I feel like I need a straight jacket or something. I have a pain on the one side of my head and it is a stabbing effect, maybe someone has made a voodoo doll and is having fun.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sheesh, BT, I'm wondering about imposing a drama or babble-tax --- could make my fortune round here ! :}
And remember, you're still the most lucid babler around ( it's only you who is so critical about your own remarks )
Surviving is the first priority, as without that, Living is hardly practical ! Partly you're asking a philosphical / moral / religious question, and a most important one, but best discussed with an appropriate expert !
And doesn't much depend on what we choose to focus on ? yes, mankind can do, and does do, many appalling things --- but not everyone does them ; and quite large numbers of people lead good and kindly lives, and do amazingly inspiring and excellent things for other people, too.
Don't you need, though, to call your personal shrink, and describe this shift in your state, this seething anger, and check for direct advice from him on how best to handle it ?
Both Shaun, Chelle, and Paris make really good points. And this anger can work its way out of you nwithout damaging you or anyone else. ather like lancing a boil, the nasty stuff comes out, is wiped off, and lets healing become complete.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/05

BT its natural that with what you have been through, that you feel angry. Anger is not the enemy, it's how you respond to the anger that is important. You need to make sure you don't hurt yourself any further, or do something that could cause you more emotional pain or complicate your life.

You're not dead - you're feeling strong emotions - this is what it means to be human. The emotions now are not pleasant, but they are there, don't fight what you're feeling, but accept it as part of your recovery.

Nobody else is taking over your body. It's your unexpressed feeling over the years of abuse that has resulted in your anger. It's time that you are heard. It's time that the little girl who was hurt so badly also gets to have her say. and you can express that all here on the forum, or by writing letters or talking it through with a therapist. there are lots of ways to vent your anger in not hurtful ways.

Because you have been hurt in the past, it doesn't mean that your furture needs to continue in the same vain. You have the power and the strength to change the future so that it doesn't look like the past, and you have a wonderful you, and a wonderful child to do this for.

Times are still difficult, but you are still holding on, which means you do still have hope, a very important aspect for your healing.

Don't fight every emotion you feel. Don't analyse it too much either. Accept that it is there. Acknowledge it in sense. You use too much energy trying to find all the answers. Concentrate on that which is good. Resolve to look in the mirror and smile at yourself every morning and every night. Think of me smiling at you when you look in the mirror again, and smile. :)

You have to take time out to feel the good things you have in life. You keep expecting the worse, which is understandable, but if you keep doing that, then the worse will always happen. It's strange how that works I know, but it does. You can and will be happy, but you need to almost do happy exercises daily.

I don't want to undermine your pain. I realise you are hurting tremendously, and I know you deserve to have lots of happiness, I wish you would realise that you deserve happiness, and that you would reach out and take it. It is there, not far out of reach - but you're afraid to reach out and take it.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Paris | 2004/10/05

The world is not all that bad. Take a look at your daughter. Take a look at her innocence, and the good there is in her. And raise her accordingly.

There is tons of good in this world. A kiss, a hug, a smile. There are tons of good people out there too. Just take a look at all the support you have received on this forum. From what i see in your postings time and time again is that you only seem to focus on the all the hurt you have experienced.

Concentrate on what is good in your life eg: good job, beautiful daughter, and great b/f. And be grateful for it.

Every one experiences pain in their life, you are by no means unique to it (sorry sounds harsh - dont mean it to be), and the only way you're ever going to be truely happy is if you allow yourself to be, and sorry to say this but you're not.

I dont know what else to tell you. I hope you come right for your daughters sake, because Kids pick up more than we actually realize.


Reply to Paris
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hey BT,

Don't apologise. We all like to know the answer to that.

I have found though, that life is about existing. We do what we have to to live another day. We take care of ourselves so we can be here for another day. We take what we want from it to make it last longer...

I maybe very wrong, but this is my opinion. We are not meant to have all the answers. We are only meant to know what we are about, & what we need to go on...


Reply to Shaun

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