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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/02/20

Life sucks - now where too?

After 13 years, my gf has left me, with a child, pennyless (well worse than that in so much debt! - 250 k ), jobless, and soon to be homeless!
Where do I go to from here. I cant fight her for anything because I cant pay lawyers fees, and lets face it, legal aid is useless, my son has needs that will not be met, my family already has ostracised me because of my homosexuality, I only have 3 real friends, of which 2 are not even in the country.
This just seems totally unfair, its not like I am a horrible person (I think) - I have always tried to help others and act more selflessy than selfishly, have always been the so called pillar of strength to others, and here I need to face all this alone. It just does not seem fair. I have tried to remain positive through everything, but now I am at a stage where I think I would just be better of dead, at least that way my child would have a secure future, one that does not entail living on the streets. After 3 months of job hunting, I have pretty much given up all hope, I have almost totally depeleted my sons savings in just trying to get through life day to day, and cant find a place to stay that I could afford, so please someone tell me where the hell do I go to from here?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Anon, a very warm welcome to the forum and thanks for this post. You sound quite desperate at the moment and I think you'd benefit from talking this very complex situation through with an objective counsellor. I seriously encourage you to call the Gay & Lesbian Helpline, a service offered by Triangle Project, any day between 1pm and 9pm - leave a name and number and the counsellor on duty will call you back. You won't have to pay for the cost of the telephonic counselling session, no matter how long that is. The number is 021 4 222 500. Allow the counsellor an opportunity to explore various solutions to your predicament with you.

I seriously urge you to make the call.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Junior | 2007/02/23

Hi There

You seem to be really disolutioned with life at the moment. Don't place too much emphasis on the negatives, rather see them as challenges and overcome them.

You have a son who loves and depends on you. You have 'the crew' at the forum for suppourt and understanding. You are compasionate towards others - people will enevitably notice this.

You need to sit down and decide how you will tackle these issues. Speak to a financial adviser and consider consolidating your debt.

Tell us where you stay and what qualifications you have and I'm sure someone here wil know of an opening that would suit you.

Speak to one of the counsillors at the Triangle project, they are extremely helpful, and if neccessary have a face-to-face consultation.

Things will get better from hereon. I'm sure of it. Keep us posted.

Love
Junior

Reply to Junior
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/02/21

Anon,

You have more then 3 friends, we are all here.

Have you considered looking at the option for government grant to a single mother with a child? I suggest as an interim measure you approach welfare (no need to declare your sexual orientation) and find out what is available to you.

Mean while you just don’t give up and fall into despair (I know it is difficult) but your child doesn’t need a secure future if it means he is without you. Money will never replace having you there for him, no matter what.

Job hunting is not easy but there are options that in the interim may see you through. Have a look at the local restaurants in your area and take a waitress job for the meantime.

As far as debt is concerned, don’t just let it be. Speak to your debtors and make arrangements, that way they will see you mean business and will do what the can to assist you rather then put the their lawyers on you.

Look around and sell off luxury items that you can do without, helps with the cash flow.

What sort of qualifications do you have and where in the world are you (Gauteng, CTown?)

Keep your head high, the wheel turns and never stays at the bottom in the mud.

xxxxxxx
Nikki

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: Dyl | 2007/02/20

Firstly, do you honestly believe that your son will better off without a loving and supportive mother? i doubt it.....

sure you are in a deep dark hole for the moment, and things look like they will never get better, dont give up, think of your son, and he looks at you, i'm sure its with all the love a child can have a for a mother.

you never know whats around the next corner, could be your big break!

Good luck!
Dyl (",)

Reply to Dyl

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