Posted by: Leigh | 2009/06/14

Life is hard


It' s been a long time since I' ve posted something. Hope you' re well!

I just don' t know what' s wrong with me. One week I' m extremely happy and sing with my false voice with a don' t-care attitude and just enjoy life. The next moment I' m soooo depressed that I just can' t take it anymore and sometimes there' s no reason to feel that way!

When I have those depressed moments I start to think about what hurt me in the past. Like my husband that left me, that is something that I can' t forget, when I think about it the pain starts all over again, it cuts deeper and deeper everytime I think about it! It happened 9 months ago. I never saw him again since he left, never got to say goodbye, and I have regrets that I didn' t listen to the little voice in my head, I can' t forgive myself! I can' t take rejection! I' ve never really allowed myself to be fully happy, why is that? Do I like to feel miserable? I had everything I wanted, but I didn' t appreciate it!

Now I have a boyfriend, he is absolutely wonderful and will do anything for me! But I can' t let anyone get too close to me, but I want to let someone get close to me, I need that, but I just can' t find it possible! Everything went great in the beginning, but now I have one of those depressed weeks and I think about my husband that left me and I have all those terrible feelings I had when he left me, it' s like I' m experiencing it all over again. I' m not strong enough to take it anymore.

I' m also a very aggressive person and I don' t know how to deal with it, how do I calm down?

I' m tired, I don' t have any energy left anymore, I just want to smoke and sit and sleep the whole day! At work I will speak my mind to everyone that walks in there, and I' m usually a very shy person!

I had problems with my moods etc. since my teenage years, I never went to any psychologist, helped myself everytime. The doctor gave me espiride once, but I used it for only a week and decided that I can do it myself.

My life is like a rollercoaster! I just want to live a normal life and be happy all the time!

How can I feel depressed while I have what I need?

Thanks CS!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Leigh,
You seem to be descibin rather autonomous mood swings ( i.e. not obviously caused by external events ), and thus probably of largely chemical origin. And negative mood prods one towards remembering selectively only the miseable parts of one's life, and only the most miserable interpretations of them. Obviously you don't LIKE feeling miserable, but it can become a bad habit, which one can learn to stop.
Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, again, would help you to unlearn these bad habits. Your husband left you --- that's sad, but not your fault. Yet you have not left him, and carry the large lump of regret over that failed relationship around with you, so that it gets in the way of everything else you might do.
DO see a good, CBT-oriented psych --- you don't have to do this all on your own, but the intervention of the right expert can help you personally o achieve what is necessary. Sounds like wou are probably also depressed. But treat this both with CBT from the same therapist, and perhaps proper antidepressant meds. Espiride tends to be prescribed only by docs who know little about psychiatriy. Depression is not usually about not havin what you need, so much as being about unable to enjoy what you have.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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