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Question
Posted by: Mark | 2020/02/05

Life chronicles

an expert's view will definitely help.... someone lovely and dear to me decided to part ways with me when I discovered that there is somebody else in the picture(which she denied and even today). Her reason for walking away: I don't trust her enough. We have been dating for more than 5 years and this is the person who knows me well and we had big plans of settling together. I feel robbed and misused by her actions despite of what we went through together in the past years. Yes, you cant force, someone, to love you. ALL I'm interested in, we have a chat and she can tell me how she felt about the ordeal. I don't intend to change her mind. I feel like she is the only one who can tell me truthfully whatever goes through me and maybe shed some light on her reasons to walk away. For me to close this matter will be very important knowing both sides of the story, as she still in my heart(in thoughts) in every day life. I tried to invite her for a talk but to no avail, and that can simply mean she is not interested in anything to do with me. I work, and very active in sports and socialise with my friends. What do you suggest as the best way to approach this matter? Do i try to pursue this meeting or completely wipe her out of my system? YOU ARE ALWAYS HELPFUL AND WILLING TO SHARE PROF. Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/02/05

Hello Mark,
Even when we have had a very close and emotionally intimate relationship with someone, it is hard to understand why they do what they do. Let's admit it, it's often difficult to understand why WE ourselves do what we do. 
And when someone who has been close to us, leaves ; we may assume that it must be because of something we did ( of course that's possible ) but it may well be because of problems and issues within them, and not necessarily about you (though it hurts just as much ).
Her complaint about trust is a bit odd.  Just as you say, correctly, that we can't force someone else to love us ; so we can't force them to trust us.  Indeed, if someone does make such a demand it automatically makes it harder to trust them, as you wonder why this suddenly became so important to them.
If she were content to meet with you, perhaps in couples counselling, to explore the issues between you, this might be fruitful, but this appears not to be what she wants.
For you to have some sessions of personal counselling might help to sort this out, to enhance your understanding of the relationship and its end, and to help you draw more useful conclusions to guide your progress through the next phase of your life.

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