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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/14

Life after loss

Hi, I hope you can give me advise or help on the following.
I have posted previously regarding my sister who's husband passed away this year. They were very young and it was very tragic. My sister is only 23, and was only just starting a life with her husband who she had been with for years. She thinks her life is over and has resigned herself to the fact that she will never love again nor marry and have the family she always dreamed of having. I want to try and tell her that this is not true and that time will heal and she may end up meeting someone and falling in love again. Everytime I say little things like one day you will have someone again she gets very angry and changes the subject. I am so worried about her and I want her to be happy again and to be able to find someone who she can make new dreams and plans with but I do not know how to convince her that she must not write off her life and that she must let herself be loved again. I am not sure if it is guilt she feels or whether she just does not want to carry on.
I am trying to get her to see a couceller but she is not interested at the moment.
I know it is still very early days and it going to take many more months or even years for her to heal but I want her to know her life is not over.
Please can you tell me how I approach this subject with her without her being hurt or getting angry?
Thank you.

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Our expert says:
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Grief is hard work, and it sounds as though she may be getting a bit stuck in assumptions that she can never again love anyone or live her dreams. All you can do is continue, gently, to encourage her to see a counsellor. Sometimes people get stuck with an odd feeling that they should not seek help because to stop grieving would somehow disrespect the person who died, rather than recognizing how much the person they lost would want them to recover and go on enjoying life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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