Posted by: Be | 2009/10/07

life after husbands infidelity

My husband had an affair a year ago - says that it ended when we moved away and i said i forgave him and that we had to work on rebuilding what he betrayed after 37 years of marriage but now i see that he is still phoning her and emailing her.He told me he stopped contact with her and that the relationship cooled but if he is still in contact and still wants our marriage to work why would he still be in contact and what do you think this means. I would like to confront him but it is like opening up wounds and not letting them heal. How can i approach this issue to find out what and why he is still communicating with her. If i tell you i trusted this man with my soul and never doubted his intregity i was totally devastated and he compromised my intregrity and values but i was willing to rebuild and forgive as i feel we have something very real and he says that we are meant to be together and that he was really sorry.
should i keep quiet and see or should i confront? It is so hard to accept the betrayal.

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Our expert says:
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SO he cheated, then lied about ending it. "Working on" a relartionship with such problems, usually, indeed almos always, works best when it is done with the help of a marriage counsellor, rather than trying to do it entirely on your own. Confronting is not a useful technique, and usually recommended only by quacks. But HE has opened up the old wounds by whow he has chosen to behave, so ignoring it is not a good option, either. Simply tell him that you have discovered that he is still in contact with this woman, and you want him to join you in seeing a marriage counsellor to work mon the problems this causes.

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2009/10/08

he has alreasy ripped open your heart, not he is chopping it into bits. Confront him.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/10/07

Your husband is a silly old fool and a right bastard to boot. Not only has he totally disrespected you, slapped your face and lied to you, he has taken that " Final Step"  from where there is no return, not ever (I assume you have now come to realise this?) Divorce him. First kick him out the house without delay and then sue him for all you can get, lets face it, you have earned it ! It sounds like a huge step and it is, BUT you owe it to yourself for your future happiness. Cut him out your life or you will drive yourself into an unhappy and early grave. Tell me I am wrong.

Reply to Wise Owl

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