Posted by: distressed | 2009/07/21


My wife and i are sperated , i asked if she going see other men during this separation via email , she never responded in writing but phone and told me that she would not . I followed her on three occasions and seen her go out with the same guy, i asked about it and she denied it ,that she very defense about it
I never seen her do anything wrong but mere fact that she dishonest should indicate something , why does she lie

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Our expert says:
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I know that is exactly the sort of question you agonize over, but nopbody else can answer it for you --- indeed, she probably could not answer you properly herself. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that "oher men" means NEW men, and this is a guy she knew from earlier ? DId you folks ever try marriage counselling before separating ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rick | 2009/07/22

You guys are separated for a reason and now your stbx may feel a measure of freedom that she never felt whilst being with you. Maybe she was having an affair or wanted to with this guy.

If I were you I would face the facts, as harsh as they may be, that she probably wants nothing to do with you anymore. If she does this now,and still lies to you about it, her intentions for the future are quite clear.

Dont follow her and let her live her life, just as you should live yours, get a divorce and move on...again it sounds harsh, but its reality, Ive been down this road and I know that only in faily tales do these types of situations every really work out.

Luck to you!

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Posted by: CV | 2009/07/22

I think you should work out in your mind whether you want her back. If you do, make sure you are not going to struggle with the idea that she has been with this other guy while you were separated. If you can not make peace with that, start thinking along the lines of going on with your life without her as it would allways turn up in some struggles and conversations later.

Reply to CV
Posted by: Heather | 2009/07/22

Good one Gracie. She will soon realise that you are the one that she wants to be with. She will soon also realise that everything is great in the beginning with someone new and when their fart also starts to stink then she will come back. You in the meantime sort out your inner being, by getting active or involving yourself in " good"  things. Not clubs and pubs. Dont follow and bother her this will make her feel more secure with a knowing that you are still there. When you are quiet she will wonder what happened to her life partner. Good Luck! these emotions are very painful.

Reply to Heather
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/07/22

Her being defensive might be ' cos she is feeling guilty! Don' t follow her around, don' t torment yourself like that! What is that old saying? What the eyes don' t see, the heart does not grieve??? Something to that effect? Leave her to sort her life out without nagging her ... she will soon realise that the only reason why the grass is so green on the other side is ' cos the poop lies so much deeper there! Good luck!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: DISTRESSED | 2009/07/21

She says she not ready for counselling , intailly she wanted a two syear eparation know i not to shore , why can' t she make up her mind , WHY IS SHE PLAYING GAMES

Posted by: distressed | 2009/07/21

She says she not ready for counselling , intailly she wanted a two separation know i not to shore

Reply to distressed

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