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Question
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/15

Libido - going going gone

My partner of 2years visited dr. Elna in Feb this year. Physically nothing wrong - anti-depressants and high bloodpressure medication. He bought me a 'pocket rocket', books, videos and oil.
It has been lying next to his bed, no initiative from him. It has now been 5weeks without sex, and the worst was 14weeks.

He has got Viagra, but does not use it, i am not gonna ask him to.
I feel so frustrated, he makes promises but nothing comes of it.
I have lost my spontanity,I really love this man, but what to do ?

I am thinking of telling him that I will go out to have someone kiss me,touch me. His ex-wife left him for someone else, also because of no sex-drive.

Am I not important to him, he is not even meeting me halfway, there is just no compromise !

Please help !!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I don't know who your partner is, and even so I don't discuss my patients on an open forum. However, men on antidepressants and blood pressure medication has physically got quite a few changes in them. The biggest problem with an antidepressant is loss of libido. As long as he is on his medication, he will not have a libido. Should he not be seeking treatment for his depression, other than medication. Has he ever been in therapy.

This is a couples problem - next time when he seeks help, go with him. I suggest to all my patients to come to our couples therapy program called "7 weeks to better sex", which the two of you chose not to do.

Blaming and shaming also doesn't really help the process.

Dr Elna McIntosh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/18

Dear Dr,

We have been to psychologist and psychiatrists. We have been for counselling. He sees no way of leaving the antidepressants, although he admits that he does not have a quality life.

Thank you for telling me of your program "seven weeks to better sex". What is the cost ?

I am sorry to say that I am blaming and shaming. But please try to understand the frustration and feeling of helplessness.

Reply to Mel
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/15

Like I said, you have ALL my sympathies. In the same boat and its not nice. Everyone needs more than that. I seriously think its time to get out.

Reply to JM
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/15

I not even asking for penetration,just a tongue or fingers will do as well. I hear what you are saying SureFire, but if he takes no responsibility, what must I do ? He is the one with the problem.

I have hanged on for too long, all I get = empty promises.
If I put him under pressure I get critised, if not then nothing happens anyway.

I am in a lose-lose situation !

Reply to Mel
Posted by: SureFire | 2004/10/15

Hi there

One thing I have learnt is to rely on aids and videos and that kinda stuff just keep it alive for a while but think about it what happens when you get bored with that what extreme must one go to to then get turned on!

Don't give up, even if you put him under major pressure do it! He will wake up trust me! Let him try and see the brighter side to life!!

Hang in there girl, it's tuff but think of the reward if he does a complete turn around!

Reply to SureFire
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/15

I suppose if after all this time he is not interested in meeting me halfway, he never will. So - then it's time to call it quits.

I am not one for affairs. Had many opportunities, but I believe in treating people as you would like to be treated.

He is not HIV +, but suffers from depression and high blood pressure, and is unfit .... unhealthy ....

Reply to Mel
Posted by: Boet | 2004/10/15

There's nothing that you can do to change it so you either leave him or life with it

Reply to Boet
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/15

I know exactly how u feel. Ive been on 'hold' for over 6 months now. I think you should confront him with the comment of finding it elsewhere, because doing these kinda things on you own gets VERY boring as well.

Reply to JM
Posted by: velvet | 2004/10/15

seeking outside always complicate matters.however if shove comes to a push i would suggest you look at whats best for you.its clear from yo article that he is not interested, perhaps he is sick or discovered he is HIV+.

For now stick to pleasuring yoself until you u an "option"

Reply to velvet
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/15

This has made me so insecure and unhappy that I am also on anti-depressants. I am not that worried about the quantity of sex, but something tells me that this is not healthy and normal (to go without sex for 14weeks)

Reply to Mel
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/15

Mel then you have got a big problem And you say discussing this matter also doesnt help? Maybe you should tell him if he doesnt help you out you will go seek it elsewhere and c what he says?

Reply to JM
Posted by: Mel | 2004/10/15

Hi Velvet,
I have spent numerous evenings pleasuring myself in front of him. He falls asleep or watches rugby-reruns

Reply to Mel
Posted by: velvet | 2004/10/15

pleasure yoself in front of him. see what that does to him

Reply to velvet

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