Posted by: Freed | 2009/04/08

Letting go of a toxic relationship

I' ve been in a toxic relationship for over 4 yrs with a man I have a daughter with.I couldn' t let go cause I love him so much &  I kept thinking I need to prove that love by holding on and maybe he will change. He insults &  degrading me, next minute he loves me. He is unemployed while I work 2 jobs &  he expects me to support him.He sponges off me &  only sees his own needs.He says he is trying to change but never applies actions to the words. I know he loves me but I also know that I can' t help him anymore...he is 43 &  I still take care of him.I deserve better. I lost all my savings and I' m drowning in debt.He lies and cheats.I couldn' t let go till I read the poem below. Now I realise if I loved him, my daughter &  myself I NEED TO LET GO. Hope it helps someone else too....

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can' t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it' s the realization I can' t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it' s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it' s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more

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Our expert says:
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Thanks for sharing this most interesting and useful poem. Never try to prove your love by waiting for someone else to change, if they're not making very genuine effeorts to make the changes --- that's what they need to do, to prove THEIR love. This is such an excellent summary of the difference betwen a response that helps both paties, and one that helps neither. Thank you for sharing this wisdom

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