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Posted by: Moon | 2008/05/22

Letting go is difficult

I’m just down today, as for all my live the thing I desired most, was to have a motorcycle. Then I bought one a couple of months ago… The second best thing that ever happened to me!! Oh, that feeling to make that dream come true! Not only for that day, but everyday when you ride… it’s like a holiday! Everyday something to look forward to.

Unfortunately, but also, very fortunately; I got married and my wife does not like the idea of a bike at all. I discussed the issue with her before I bought the bike, and she did not agree to me buying it, but also did not disagree.

Well, the long and the short is, I thought by myself, that if she were doing something everyday that I dislike, and also by doing that putting her live at risk every day – I would not be happy at all!! So, the last week I made myself choose between the second best thing in my live, and the best thing ever… My wife!

That is why, I went and sell my bike. It is what I WANT to do, but it is still difficult to let go of a dream… I thought I’ll just tell you, for I have to say this to somebody.

I don’t want to tell my wife this, because that could make her feel that she has made me choose, or that I’m not being myself as a result of her feelings - something like that. Well, we all compromise in relationships, and I’m happy to do so! But it must be said, although it might sound silly, this was I very big compromise from my side. I don’t feel she needs to know why I sold it. Or should I tell her?
I’m just going to tell her, the thrill of riding is not worth the risks.

Thanks for reading!

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Our expert says:
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It may still be a good idea to tell your wife --- she's bound to notice that the bike's gone, and your reasons for doing so, as you describe them here, is a marvellous tribute to your love for her, which should mean a lot to her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: MARY | 2008/05/23

I am so frustrated with this problem. I get up evey mornnig at 5:30 to pack lunches for kids. Not for husband anymore, simple fact that he prefers take aways and he is so overweight but that is a discussion for another day. I have to wake up husband and 2 boys. 17 and 8. I take coffee to husband and milo to 8 yr old. Dad and 17 yr old wait until last moment to get ready and dad will rush down shouting I am going. They do not want to eat beakfast and I tried so many times that the Dad must be in control of breakfast. So I get uptight and start shouting that I am tired of them not getting up early, eat breakfast and go at the same time everyday. Now husband says that I disrupt the whole house with shouting. Must I leave them and only see to the 8 yr old. 17 yr can use his cellphone alarm to wake him up. Dad can have his coffee in the kitchen and I will get out of the way from 6:30. And they all going to bed at 21:00. Not that they are tired in the morning. Thanks for listening.

Reply to MARY
Posted by: Moon | 2008/05/22

Thanks for all the replies. I’m not convinced that I should talk to her…
To El: I know she is concerned, only because she loves me sooo much, that the mere thought of loosing me is terrifying her. The thing is, I don’t what het to :trust me more” for that will look as if I did it to win her trust. You’re right, I shall concentrate on what I’ve got!
To Maria: No - no compromise, and that is why it is difficult to let go. I promised myself that I will never buy a bike or alike again!

To Mika: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking…. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.”… that is why it does not feel right to seek recognition.
What you say about the argument is hitting the nail on the head. It goes both ways. She can also one day do something and then say, this now equals the bike thing… That is what I don’t want.
I don’t think she needs to know that I gave a piece of my self away to be with her… She loves me enough, and that is my “reward” for years to come, is that not true?

Reply to Moon
Posted by: Mika | 2008/05/22

If my husband did something like that for me, I would want to know about it, as it would mean so much to know that he loves me that much.

What you did was truly unselfish and I know that you did it out of love and concern for your wife. Maybe you should explain to her why you sold it and what it meant to you, but without making her feel guilty about you doing it. Instead you can guide the discussion to convince her of your love and respect for her. But take care to never in future use that in an argument or blame her for you selling it. Well done!

Reply to Mika
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/22

Moon, it doesn't sound silly at all. There are so many posts here about people who are selfish and immature, you are like a breath of fresh air. I'm sorry that you are giving up on your dream. Could you compromise? A quadbike maybe for weekend pleasure rather than everyday riding?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: EL | 2008/05/22

To ride a bike I think must be so much fun, but most women do not like the idea of their men having one, women fight with their men about it only because we love them.

My ex almost got killed in a motorcycle accident, he was in hospital for three weeks, I always nagged about the bike because I was worried and I didn't want to lose him to death. I don't know why, but now I don't really care anymore if my husband have one or not, he has a bike to do motocross, but he is going to sell it so that I can get a car (het my kar afgeskryf).

I think that you should be open with her and share your mind and feelings with her, that way she can trust you more.

It's hard to let go of a dream, I know! Talk to her about it in a calm voice and tell her how you feel deep inside, everything, maybe then she will understand your feelings and then maybe you can work things out about the bike and all.

Be happy about the things you have and don't be sad about things you have lost that's less important than what you have. Think only about what you have now and not about what you don't have, that will make things easier for you.

Reply to EL
Posted by: Moon | 2008/05/22

Why thanks David, that picks me up a little... Although I don't want “recognition” for what I did – It was my own choice!

Reply to Moon
Posted by: David | 2008/05/22

You are a wonderful husband!

Reply to David

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