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Question
Posted by: puzzled | 2005/11/23

Lazy, demanding partner

We will be married soon (Dec.). I'm 29 and he is 32 and work for same company. He knows my work schedule pretty well but as soon as we get home, he takes off his work clothes, gets into shorts, look for the newspaper sport section and yes, you guessed it: grab the remote and switch to channel 23. I cannot take it anymore. I hug the little one (3), check what could be cooked, chop chop and chop. All he does is watch highlights of Real Madrid and Barcelona then fall asleep with a remote in his left hand. Sounds familiar? I know, but I just CANNOT take it anymore. He doesn't bring home more money, so beautiful people, will it ever change? Believe me I tried talking to him but it falls on deaf ears. Pls help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Stop making his supper, have the little one's food ready in advance, pick up some fast food for yourself only on the way home, and beat him to the couch, choose your own channel, and hide the remote.
And in the ensuing conversation, explain very pleasantly what these problems are. It's not only that men aren't mindreaders ( important a point as that is ) but they're -- shall I say --- emotionally short-sighted, and need halp, with the basics spelled out in rather large letters, ro be able to see the point.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wit Zombie | 2005/11/23

Hoezit, Frosty. Dis amper krimis!

Reply to Wit Zombie
Posted by: Dee | 2005/11/23

Don't be Puzzled - Be Proactive!
He's really just being lazy cos he is getting away with it.
The distribution of Labour idea (wings) is excellent - but explain why and don't make him feel like you are treating him like a kid (clean up your room -kinda thing).
It is sooooooooo gonna frustrate you if you enter into a marriage like this. Its bound to end in disaster.

But if he loves you - I think he should get the message. What about his relationship with your child - that is a also a big factor.

Reply to Dee
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/23

Haai ou Zombie. Skerp ou mater.

Reply to Frosty
Posted by: Wit Zombie | 2005/11/23

Gee hom wortels en eiers vir krismis....

Reply to Wit Zombie
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/23

Haai ou Pazzel. Miskien moet jy jou partner selekshun criteria biekie aanpas jong. Ek meen, jy het seker 'n paar verystes waaraan hy moet voldoen voordat jy even na hom kyk! Waar het hy deergeglip?

Reply to Frosty
Posted by: Dark Angel | 2005/11/23

GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!! Before its too late.....

Reply to Dark Angel
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/23

I think wings you had a very interesting point....
never thought about it like that.

I dont have this problem.(lucky)
My husband likes doing things with me. we cook together, clean together, then sit together. not always, but most of the time. But not sure why its like that. No reason. It just is.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Candy | 2005/11/23

A marriage is a long term commitment- Both partner's mindset must be on the fact it is a give and take deal.If only 1 partner's giving,there'll be nothing left to give( in a couple of months time!!!)please consider this very carefully, before you say I DO!!!!!!

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Lee | 2005/11/23

Methinks he needs a good kick up the pants!.. Its definately only going to get worse when you get married. The more comfortable he gets the less likely his is to change his bad habits.

Have a sit down with him and tell him what's on your mind. 'Men aren't mindreaders.. they have to be told in no uncertain terms what you are feeling. They don't like to read between the lines either! Lol.. i'm sure a night of going without supper will be a good wake up call. Remember - you teach people how to treat you. If he sees he is getting away with it why would he change?

Reply to Lee
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/11/23

Well Puzzled, I hate to break it to you, but most guys are like this.
The fact that men do things differently (with regards to unwinding) often leaves us feeling neglected.

Something very interesting to think about, and I talk from personal experience. Do you think you're enabling him?
For example, you come home, all you wanna do is make supper, tidy the house a bit, and get your little one organised.
Your fiance comes to you cause he sees your stressed out and offers to wash the dishes, and you respond, "No, its ok", meantime you're saying, "I'll let you off this time because I do a better job".

What I'm trying to say is that men tend to rely on us and when we say, "no its ok" when we should be saying "Yes thanks and don't forget to dry them" we enable them to be "lazy".
Another thing is that you probably expect him to mind read, and instead of asking him to help with something you build up silent resentment.

My advice to you would be :
Give him a list of things and make him soley responsible for them. If it doesn't get done DON'T TOUCH IT!
If you want him to be responsible - give him responsibility.
Its hard, but I refer to it as tough love!

Good luck
~Wings~

Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: Jakes | 2005/11/23

He is not lazy, demanding. He is a male chauvenistic pig as some may call it. Not even married yet - I'm sorry but in my opinion it will get worse. Nobody can help u but yourself. Put your foot down hard and if he doen't like u know what to do. Remember the married part should be forever.

Reply to Jakes

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