Our expert says:
Its obvious that you and your husband really value a good education and appreciate its benefits - to what extent does your child share these values ? He may well recognize that you do, but does he himself FEEL that it is worth the extra effort required, and that it will provide him with lasting benefits ? Have you, at quiet times rather than crisis, chatted with him about such values ? It can be in some ways more difficult for a really bright kid who can usually get through the exams without great effort, to see value in expending the extra time and effort to get better marks.
This is about getting to understand HIS wishes, dreams, hopes, motivators, not "explaining" things to him. Whatdoes he prefer to do with his time ? What turns him on ? Hobbies, interests ? Understanding what he IS motivated for and by, helps to plan how to help him see motivators in the school work you value.
I really doubt whether punishment will help at all. Not only is it not an effective motivator, but it is punishing him now for something that may have happened in the past.
Its also clear that you and your husband, though you may share similar over-all values, differ as to how best to achieve them. He doesn't seem to share your view that punishment will be an effective intervention, and I'm inclined to agree with him.
Avoid the common error that when the method you choose to use if failing, you decide to do the same thing but harder or fiercer. The punishment method is effectively teaching him that learning and studying is an unpleasant thing that leads to unpleasant consequences.
Ritalin does not give motivation ( except, maybe, for the folks who sell it ).
There's an obvious need for the advice of a good psychologist, not only to help plan things more effectively for your child, but also to help you and your husband come to a shared un derstanding of what is worthwhile for him, and how to work together towards helping him to achieve that.
Maybe your husband can recognize that mere gifts are not as helpful as he thinks, but can be transformed into rewards to encourage the behaviours you want to encourage. If the kid receives valued gifts whatever he does, why should he bother to change his behaviour ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.