Posted by: Dark Angel | 2005/11/23

Laughing is contagious..

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"


Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was asalted.


A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."


A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."


Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.


Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"


"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?",
"It's not unusual."


Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"


Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
"Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."


A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'


My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled down by a strong currant.


Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
Police think that he topped himself.


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh


Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

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Our expert says:
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I feel better already, DA !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Star | 2005/11/23

If you don't mind the Afrikaans?

Hulle het uitgevind dat Adam
gay was. Geen normale man
sal langs 'n kaal vrou sit en
appels vreet nie!

Wat is die toppunt van geraas?
Twee geraamtes wat woelig
Spyker op 'n sinkdak met 'n
Coke blikkie as 'n kondoom!

Wat is die nuwe weergawe van:
"Boom,Boom,Boom,Boom, I want
U in my room"?
Kom ons gaan spyker in my bakkie!

Op dertig is 'n vrou se muis soos 'n
perske - rond en ferm.
Op veertig soos 'n avocado peer-
pap en oorryp.
Op vyftig soos 'n ui - jy wil huil
As jy daarna kyk!

Tannie vang oom met Playboy: ''En
wat is dit die?" "Ag, ou vrou, dis soos
'n Getaway tydskrif, 'n mens sien die
mooiste plekke waar jy nooit sal
kom nie!"

Al die diere in die woud het bymekaar
gekom om 'n nuwe koning te kies. Almal
is daar, leeu, olifant, renoster, hulle wag
net vir bobbejaan om die e-mail klaar te lees.

Ma, Pa en vertraagde Jan ry in die
wildtuin rond. Jan se venster is oop.
Die volgende oomblik storm 'n volstruis
op hom af en pik hom blou. Na 5min van
stillte se Jan: "Fokken duif!"

Koop jou gat nou en sien hom later!

Reply to Star
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/23

Dark Angel, maybe you should omit the Dark and just be Angel!

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Tango | 2005/11/23

What do a group of accountants do for fun?
They go into town and gang - audit someone!!

(Sorry to all the accountants out there!)

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/23

I love these! Can I keep them?

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

What do you call a man without arms or legs in the long grass?

What do you call a deer with only one eye?
No idea

What do you call a deer without any eyes?
Still no idea

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Sue 2 | 2005/11/23

If laughing is contagious ---- I've got the disease!!! That was sooooo funny

Reply to Sue 2

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