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Question
Posted by: carol | 2004/12/02

Last Resort

Hi Doc
In the last 2 years so much has transpired in my life.., my father was murdered, I had a son.. and I've become a miserable old hag.etc, etc.. I've since gone off sex and my relationship is on the point of ending.( I'm 29)I live in the Cape Town Central ( city) and I need the name of a relationship therapist.My partner and I are both unhappy in the relationship and we have both decided that we need professional help is finding out what went wrong and how to fix it as we do love each other and we also have a 2 yr old. Please assist by referring me to a good relationship therapist.
Many Thanks

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Our expert says:
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As for a relationshiptherapist / marriage counsellor, the most reliable route is to call your local branch of FAMSA for advice on a good therapist near you. What a terrible time you have been through, and are stll going through. With sincere interest and effort on both your sides, and a goof FAMSA therapist, you guys should either be able to sort things out, or to reach a much better level of understanding of what went wrong and why, so as to be able to avoid such problems in future.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Girl | 2004/12/02

AA you sound like thoughs guys that threaten affaires stuff up your relationship and whant to blame all woman for what you did.if your partner is not happy there is something wrong, find out what it is and stop making things more difficult with painfull threats like affaires. you cannot fix pain with more pain....

Reply to Girl
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/02

Your problem with your wife is a totally different level here. Maybe instead of being romantic, you both should get into some councelling. AA, dont generalize about us Woman. Ur problem isn't with us Woman, its with one woman. Sort your issues out with her not us. You're being a bit of a hypocrite here.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/02

I wanted to ask AA the same question. AA i think its maybe time you sit and assess your own relationship.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: AA | 2004/12/02

Thanx for the idee I will try it!!! You asked the q here is the answer in hope of things getting better, you see I love to so its not that easy but you woman dont understand, when you do this you take away our whay of expresing our selves!!!! and no mater how much we help, how romantic ext you never give back!! now wonder he is withholding affection from you!!

Reply to AA
Posted by: Carol | 2004/12/02

Hi Paris

Thanks for those kind/wise words. I do consider that I may be suffering from a traumatic experience, but I guess I'll just have to wait and hear what the therapist suggests.My partner and I love each other and unlike AA I would not stick around for "years'" subjecting myself, my partner and my kids to this. I would end the relationship and set him free.
AA , as for you, you seem really frustrated/annoyed, unhappy,even abit hateful??.. if after all these "years" nothing has changed perhaps you should free yourself from this negative space you are in? and end the relationship? Are u not tired of the empty promises?? why stick around for years and end up having affairs?

Reply to Carol
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/02

Hi Carol,

You're right, you've been through quite a bit these last two years. I'm sorry to hear about your Father. Trauma and child birth can cause many emotional/physical problems. I'm no expert here, but it sounds like you could be suffering from the traumatic experience of losing your father so horrifically and maybe also a bit of post natal depression?? Just a thought. Or maybe just one of the two. Which can be the contributing factor for the loss of labido.

I think its a bit harsh for Avenging Angel to say you're going to loose him, since he is agreeing to go to counceling with you, which only proves that the love he has for you is real and his willing to work on the relationships problems with you.
Also, you both sound like you do want it to work on it because you have a child to think about. So many people give up too quickly especially when there are children involved. I applaud you both for giving it another chance. But.... (the big but)

Also remember that being in a unhappy relationship for the sake of a child could do the child more damage then good. But i dont think i have to tell you this. So, what else can i say, give it your best. Perserverance, commitment and communication are the key here. I believe you and your partner have all three.

Take care of yourself!

PARIS
XXX


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: AA | 2004/12/02

She has said all those nice things you have just said but yet sorry to say have been saying the last few years, no improvement you will go the same why ask any of the guys around that is in the same type of relationship, its all promises no action and unfortunatly = empty promises.

Reply to AA
Posted by: Avenging angel | 2004/12/02

Hi there
Thanks for response, I do realise that I will lose him and thats why I am prepared to seek help. No case/relationship is the same, in my case I do know that I love him and he is the man I want to spend my life and that is at least a start. I hope your wife makes a decision on what she wants and I hope things work out for you.
Take care

Reply to Avenging angel
Posted by: avenging angel | 2004/12/02

You will lose him!!!! my wife is like that and I have had enough!! No emossion nou kissing nou nothing!!! Woman always cry then there partners cheat but never say why, this is the reason so hope your therapist helps but the chances are that you are the problem and before you dont get your head right it will never work and you know what I hope you lose him maybe then you will find out what you had and then as usual you will whant him back but it will be over and done with!!! But as they say may the chips fall as they may, hope your things work out better than mine!!!!!!!!

Reply to avenging angel

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