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Question
Posted by: NN | 2008/02/01

Lack of imtimacy....

A week ago I submitted a post about my bf who never wanted to make love to me and when we did it was really bad and he would always get upset when I suggested we try something new. So 3 days ago after dinner he was working on the computer. So I was in the mood for some fun and so I stood behind his chair and started kissing his neck and breathing deeply into his ear and then slowly moved my hands south. Then he got up and brushed me off. I asked what was up and he said he is not turned on by that. So I thought that if I do not speak up now then I deserve the crappy sex I get when I am lucky enough to get it. So I told him how I felt. That I try to initiate and he pushes me off. I told him I want to try new things. And I said I am not happy with our sex life as it does not satisfy me and we have sex so seldom that it concerns me. He got so upset and started changing the subject. Saying that our lack of intimacy is due to the lack of trust and commitment we have in our relationship. He says that we do not trust each other as far as we can see each other and that is why our intimacy is lacking. In my opinion I think it is a load of bull. And then this morning he got in the shower with me and tried to initiate sex with me but I just was not in the mood as I feel he only did it because I am unhappy at the moment. He seems to think that all I care about is sex and I should rather concentrate on the bigger issue in our relationship. I just do not know what to do anymore. Any advise?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, maybe it's something even if he did it because you are unhappy --- isn't that a bit more than before ? Why not ask him to join you in seeing a relationship counsellor ? If he says he thinks the problem is about trust, etc., well, he should surely agree to work on that with appropriate expert help ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/02/01

he must stop thinking that sex should happen when only he need it, sex is two way not give and take, wonam also need to make love and he need to know that.

tell him taht if he can't give it to you, you are gonna look for it somewhere see his reaction, because that is what is gonna happen at the end, maybe he gets ist somewhere and he come home satisfied and tired.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Hope* | 2008/02/01

He obviously has some issues of his own that needs sorting out.  There are many, many men who would drop everything, and have sex with you.  He does not seem to understand that if you had a lack of commitment and trust you would not be wanting to have sex with him. He should see a therapist or his GP to see if something physical is up.

Reply to Hope*

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