Posted by: SadFace | 2004/03/01

lack of confidence putting me in a hole

I please need your advice:
I am 20 and currently doing my BEd degree (1st year), i just started this week with my prac - with intails me to spend 3 weeks at a Primary School as a Student Teacher but just an observation period - no teaching yet. My problem is that i find it so difficult to speak to the teachers when we're in the staff room or even with my teacher that i'm sharing the classroom with. I have always had a low self-esteem but many people have told me that i always look pretty and they can't understand why i have this problem? < honsetly, i don't even understand why! >
My husband says that when i don't smile i look so sad and missarable...
I find that when i feel good about myself and have lost weight then i'm ok but recently i picked up 3 kgs (after going on a Crash Diet) and i feel so FAT and UGLY, could this be the reason my confidence is lacking? I cry almost all the time when i look at myself in the mirror... i don't like what i see! :o(
What can i do to improve my people skills and stop thinking that everyone is judging me?
Please, your advice will be most appreciated!
Thank You!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear sadface,
Cheer up, this too can be solved. It's good that you have recognized the potential impact of this problem on your future career at this stage, rather than later. Sounds like lack of confidence and self-estem, shyness, maybe even social phobia. Prettiness has nothing much to do with it --- I know some marvellous by ugly people with superb self-confidence.
I don't think you lack confidence because you're overweight --- you feel overweight because you lack confidence. And as you know, when you think about it, far from there being many people out there judging you, the truth is that most of them don't even notice you, and probably wouldn't even pay attention if you painted yourself bright green and ran down the road. The children want to like their teacher, and will do so, if you give them any chance to do so. As you're observing now, watch how the other teacher interacts with them, and how seldom the kids are worrying about her weight or shape !
What you do need, though, is to see a counsellor, a psychologist, to talk through this, and find ways to improve your self-confidence and self-image --- so that you can start liking you as much as the rest of us do already.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Caroline | 2004/03/02

Hi there

I think that from time to time we all feel a little bit low about ourselves. Those who don't admit it are most probably lying or have a very well developed mask!
I could imagione that a situation like you mention is very scary. I really think that you need to give it some time. Something that someone once said to me has always proved quite valuable: don't be so arrogant to believe that people are scrutinising you and watching your every move!
Look at other people who you think are confident? What do they do that makes you believe they are upbeat and self-assured?
You are an educated and attractive person - go out and take what is yours!

Reply to Caroline

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