advertisement
Question
Posted by: Worried mom | 2008/07/11

Kids wellbeing when with ex

I am a divorced mother of two boys. I have custody and ex has visitation rights. Came to my attention that when the kids visited him the following happened.
- He leaves them with friends/family and goes out partying.
- He smokes and drinks when they visit him.
- He and his girlfriend pushed each other around in front of them while under the influence.

Since our divorce he has paid minimal maintenance. He has been unemployed for several months. He has had no permanent residence. We've been divorced for almost 4/5 years.

I'd like them to have a relationship with him but at what cost. I've spoken to him numerous times without any result.

They've had a loving step dad in their life since my divorce.

I have seeked legal opinion and she told me to refuse him visitation without supervision.

He is now staying with his mom who's previous two husbands has both been arrested. One for rape and the other for child molestasion.

I don't want to expose them to this unstable unsave enviroment.

Please help.

I need to get hold of affordable legal counselling as well as child psychology - I think.

Any suggestions.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Speak to the folks at the maintenance court, aabd the family advocate's office : let the court fix the amoung he should pay, and ensure that he pays it. And the same court, I believe, can set conditions for his visitations or only allow him access when supervised, or at your home. And the court must consider the dubious ability of his mom to properly care for a child or supervise a isit, too

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: T | 2008/07/11

HI

I say go to the family advorcate to get a legal opion it is free , because the laws have changed and rather keep your side clean in the eyes of the law than try and play the card. Some men cant accept what they doing is not in the best intrested of the kids and wont listen to reason and the only way to do it is by the court orders.
Been there as well and still going round in circle and the only thing he is now doing is pulling the rope tighter around his own neck,

Reply to T
Posted by: Been there | 2008/07/11

Sounds like he is interested in them but his nature is such that he sometimes doesn't bother (not because he doesnt care). Maybe the girlfriend complains and that influences him so to keep her happy he ignores the kids for a while ad then to show you he still wants to be a dad he insists on attorneys letters etc. Life can get quite complicated when there are children involved and a new partner arrives on the scene.Personally I never bothered summonsing my ex to court for maintenance or anything else BECAUSE I know his nature and it just would not have been worth the time, effort or money.I feel so much money gets thrown down the drain for something that could be sorted out amicably. Emotionally it is draining.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Worried mom | 2008/07/11

If I don't allow him to see the kids he gets all agro and is currently insisting on a attorney letter stating that he can only see them under supervision.
I don't know if it has anything to do with the kids anymore or only with making my life hell.
He'll not see them for months and then suddenly insist to see them again.
It's been a rollercoaster for 4 years.
Last solution I know of is seeking legal advice.

Reply to Worried mom
Posted by: Been there | 2008/07/11

Why go to the extremes of getting legal council and child psycology-all that money and time when its not really necessary because he sounds like a bit of a loser anyway. What will you gain? Or should I ask, what do you want to achieve going that route? Will he kick up a fuss if you don't let the children visit him or will he ignore it. Some fathers just let it ride and unless he is the type of father who will fight tooth & nail for his children (doesn't sound like he is), then why go through all that trouble.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: T | 2008/07/11

HI

You can contact you local family advorcate who will be able to help you. This is a free service. You also have the Teddy Bear clinic that can do the evaluations for you. Most of the goverment hospitals also have a psych department that also could help.

Reply to T

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement