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Question
Posted by: anon | 2011/06/23

kids or no kids

Now how does one decide something like this? I know to most woman they are SET on having kids and know its what they want. So my man is much older than I am, he is 3 and has had 1 child who is now 18. So its not like I can say just wait and see what happens, and have a child when he is 50. I have always wanted 1 baby but our lives are filled with travel and seeing the world, and I know this will have to change even though I wouldv like to wait a few years, I know this isnt possible.... Im also so scared of pregnancy, if the process isnt what is is I wouldv had children by now..... what do I do? do i wait? do we make a set decision? it would have to be a set decision as he has stored sperm and we would have to do it via a gynae ect..... what must I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nobody else can make decisions like this for you. And they're not easy decisions. In life, you often decide to make trade-offs - sometimes achieving one of the things you want makes it difficult or impossible to achieve another of the things you want. SOme people value having and raising children in a close and loving way as the best option of all. Some would prefer, as apparently you do, marrying someone with a rich and interesting life-style including world travel - into which raising children would really not fit.
And pregnancy and child-birth are complex and not always entirely pleasant experiences, which one endures because the result is something we really desire.
Its a matter of priorities ; and you fears of pregnancy / childbirth may be based on realities or on lack of full understanding of relity. Do see a good counsellor together to work on mutually understanding what you both want and will be mos pleased by, to understand the advantages and disadvantages of alternative decisions ; and see a midwife or even gynae for information so you can better understand what bearing a child really involves.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/23

This is really not a decision that anybody other than you and your husband together can make. What I can tell you is this: Becoming a parent will change your life irrevocably and for ever. I''ve heard people say that the baby will have to just fit in with their lifestyle... it doesn''t really work that way. However, life as you know it does not completely disappear when you have a child. It is quite possible to travel with children once they are a bit older, and if you have a good support system you can also leave them behind for a couple of days. Furthermore, parenting is immensely rewarding but it is also probably the most difficult thing you will do in your life. It''s hard at times, and while you can learn a great deal from books and other people, the little life that you will create will be unique, and it will be up to you to find the best way to nurture and develop this little person.

I cannot comment on pregnancy as my daughter is adopted. Maybe talk to a midwife or gynae about your fears in this regard? It might also be an idea to go for counselling together with your husband to sort out in your minds what you really want and need.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/23

Nobody else can make decisions like this for you. And they're not easy decisions. In life, you often decide to make trade-offs - sometimes achieving one of the things you want makes it difficult or impossible to achieve another of the things you want. SOme people value having and raising children in a close and loving way as the best option of all. Some would prefer, as apparently you do, marrying someone with a rich and interesting life-style including world travel - into which raising children would really not fit.
And pregnancy and child-birth are complex and not always entirely pleasant experiences, which one endures because the result is something we really desire.
Its a matter of priorities ; and you fears of pregnancy / childbirth may be based on realities or on lack of full understanding of relity. Do see a good counsellor together to work on mutually understanding what you both want and will be mos pleased by, to understand the advantages and disadvantages of alternative decisions ; and see a midwife or even gynae for information so you can better understand what bearing a child really involves.

Reply to cybershrink

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