Posted by: nicky | 2009/02/18

kids dnt want to go to their dad anymore

hi. I' m divorced for 7 yrs with 2 kids aged 9 and 13. I' ve always stayed close to my ex as I tried to keep a good bond between him and the kids as I wanted my kids to suffer as little as possible. During the years my ex hardly paid maintenance and only saw kids when it suited him. Kids basically have been building their lives around him and not him around them. Last year I spoke to my ex regarding maintenance as I can' t cope alone and kids are older and my son was starting High School. I eventually decided to move in January so that my mom can assist me.I realsied that my ex wasn' t making his kids a priority even when he has them close by. My kids are so happy now, even tho they a half hour drive from their dad. problem is, now that I can afford extra mural activities for the kids they are having such fun that weekends they rather want to go to school cricket and join in Sunday so0cial activities. They are so scared to tell their dad cause he breaks down and cry. They' ve asked me to tell him and even I can' t handle the emotional blackmail. Last sat he just dropped my son at the cricket while other parents stayed to watch. He has never seen my son play. he said it was a waste of a sat. My son is so hurt that he refuses to miss cricket or other activities even if it' s father' s weekend.He would rathers stay home. How do I handle the situation. Can his father force him to go with his father if it' s his fathers weekend. The girl also doesn' t want to go cause her father just drops her off at his parents... he says he has nothing in common with her. kids love their dad but dnt want to give up activities.
Sorry this is so long... my ex has always been selfish and I' ve allowed him to have his own way, but now that the kids are noticing it... they want to do their own thing and if he doesn'  t want to join them then they won' t go to him. How do i handle this without being the bad mom or bad ex!

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Our expert says:
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Paying maintenance ought not to be optional, and you should have gone to court ( probably still should ) to have an amount fixed and required of him. He MUST pay maintenance, and would be in serious trouble if he ignored a court order on this.
Can't the dad take them to the weekend activities such as the cricket, and support them in that ? If he considers it a waste of a saturday to thrill his son by waching him play, then he's really a deadbeat dad, and has no business making the kids feel guilty by weeping if they have better things to do. It's all supposed to be about what's best for the kids, not him himself. Similarly, if the dad just drops her off at his parents, then he is not using and possibly not entitled to claim that she should visit him at all. It's his fault if he feels he has nothing in common with her. Again, a court hearing could revise his access claims, i he isn't using them properly and would look out for the benefit of the kids.
What do other readers think ?

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