Our expert says:
Is it not possible to be frank in a kind and supportive fashion ? She has surely not forgotten the affair, nor assumed that you have removed it entirely from your memory. Isn't it possible to talk with her calmly about the news you have heard through business colleagues, that the wife of that man has died of AIDS ? And ask whether she has had regular HIV testing, out of concern that she might have possibly picked up an HIV infection from him, even though that was some time ago ? You can add that you routinely have HIV testing along with a range of other screening tests, and have remained negative, so she is probably OK, but that obviously it would be wise for her to have some screening done as well ?
Does it really need to involve any mud-slinging at all ?
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