Posted by: DL | 2008/05/28

Just need to say what's on my mind

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I don't have anybody I can discuss this with. I'm almost 34 years old and still a virgin. There is nothing wrong with me!!! I just believe in sex within the marriage. And didn't find a man that could wait. I really want a child of my own. I've tried numerous times to get pregnant with AI. But then I came to the realisation that God won't allow a virgin bringing a child into this world. The only woman that could do that, was Mary. She will be the first and last to do that. Now I'm sitting with this thought. I'll rather have a child than my virginity. I know that sounds terrible. But I'm actually thinking of going out and meet up with a guy. Get to know him a bit and do the move. Does that make me a terrible person?

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Our expert says:
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I don't quite understand which religious view you are clinging to. I fully respect, as should anyone, someone who wants to remain a virgin until marriage. But to try to have a child by AI ( and the doctors who would help you do such a thing are ethically highly dubious ) is hardly preserving your virginity. And having a child out of wedlock --- isn't that frowned on by exactly the same religious views that oppose sex before marriage ? I don't think they mean that sex with AI apparatus is OK. compared with ordinary physical sex. This doesn't make you a terrible person ; not at all. But it does make you a thoroughly confused one, who would really benefit from working on these issues with a good local counsellor.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anotherone | 2008/05/28

hey, I has abnormal cells that could develop to cancer on my cervix. I didn't want to grow old by myself, and waiting until i found mr perfect was just impossible, as those are very scarce! I fell deeply inlove with someone, we planned to have a baby and within three months I was pregnant - thank God I/we were HIV-, but we could have waited for the window period (we didn't). Today we have separated and I discovered that he was and still is an idiot who does not value a family life, he doesn't have any morals or value anything that a normal human being would care to strive for.

Choosing whom to have a family with is very very important. I know that your hormones are going wild, but hang in there.

Reply to anotherone
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/28


I was also a virgin until I got engaged at the age of 34! There is nothing wrong with you as far as that goes. But your thinking about having a child is really muddled. Is it fair to bring a child in the world just because YOU want him/her, with no father figure around? Yes I know there are many successful single parent families, but most of them didn't plan it that way. Rather take your time, meet someone you can love and who will love you, and then take it from there. I met my husband on an internet dating site, people will tell you there are only weirdos and sex seekers on these sites but it's not true. You must just be very careful and critical before you meet someone.
Good luck!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: DL | 2008/05/28

Thank you so much to all of you that replied!!! Shazz, maybe I must find out how this Facebook works. Maybe I'll give it another year. Just scared that my time will run out. I'm at the stage that I'm getting desperate. I know I say I want to sleep with a guy, but that also scares me :-)

Thanks again for all the feedback!!! I'll give it some more thought :-)

Reply to DL
Posted by: Shazz | 2008/05/28

I had/have the same problem as you. But I got rid of my virginity in my twenties out of curiosity, because I couldn't find someone worthy of marrying and starting a family with. Kids are a priority for me, therefore I won't just taken any old Tom Dick or Harry just to feel included. I also grew up in a church that preached substaining before marriage. All my friends who waited and married before 25 ended cheating on their husbands or their husbands cheated on them. ALL OF THEM.

I asked the doc yesterday what has happened to the spines of men in SA. How can one just go for a man, any man, just to fulfil what one perceives as your life's calling by bringing children into the world. If he's poor/ill-mannered/spineless before you marry him, he will be all those things AFTER you get married.

My shrink has advised me to go register on Facebook, apparently a lot of his patients have had success there. Remember it's international.

Good luck sister.

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/28

its cool that you are waiting to break your virginity with the man you marry. your ideas of having a baby,like doc sez, dont make sense religion wise. and i think your idea to date a man and then just have sex after knowing him a little is crazy!!! and i thought i was 'almost mad'. lol. If you really want a baby then you should keep dating till you fall in love with some one. At lease then if you sleep with sumone it will be a person u love. but it wouldnt be fair to purposely try to fall pregnant without telling the other person involved.

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