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Question
Posted by: Grace | 2004/10/21

JUST FRIENDS OR MORE

Hi,

my best friend is a guy. We have been friends for years and have been through lot together. Last year we both experienced the death of loved ones in our families and this brought us even closer. Sometimes our relationship gets very confusing and we wonder if we're in love or just friends. We haven't crossed the line or anything but the subject of us being more than friends did come up and we sort of decided that it was just all in our head, we love each other but are not in love. Everyone, including our close friends and family think we are a couple. No one believes us when we tell them we're just friends and we've never behaved in a way that would suggest we're more than friends. We just hang out. We trust each other more than anyone else and we are always there for each other no matter what. We also date other people. Its just that we have a connection. I know that we love each other very much. Is it normal to be so connected to someone and not be romantically involved with them. I'll admit that I do feel a bit jealous when he mentions other girls but I wouldn't say that I'm obessessively jealous. Most of the time I prefer not to know. I know that real life is different from the movies and I don't see us married to each other or anything but i just cannot imagine my life with out him. Are we in love and don't know it or are we just very good friends.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Dear Grace,

it sounds like you have a very special friendship that is important to you. Sometimes these kinds of friendships do develop into something more intimate, but at other times people decide that being in a relationship is not what the friendship is about. Moving from a friendship to a relationship can also damage the friendship. You have to ask yourself whether you can risk losing such a good friend?

Given how close you are talk to each other about it, so that you know where you both stand on the issue. You are already supportive of each other so its best to clear the air rather than wondering all the time. The uncertainty may also put a strain on the friendship.

These kinds of situation are never easy, or straightforward but because of how close you are it is important that you put what you have and value before anything else.

Best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sam | 2004/10/24

wow that's really a confusing story! my advice is first of all you need to find out your true feelings towards this guy, is he just a good frind and you have fallen for him just because he makes you feel special and you like having somebody to fancy you and don't want anybody else to have him so you don't want him to move on however if you don't like him tell him you jut want to be friends and that all the romantic sms's and stuff must stop it's just confusing you about your true feelings anfd then know that your friend is just feeling scared of losing her best friend and scared of feeling left out because you two are her best friends! oh and other thing this idea of being togther wen you and not wen you aren't is not right cos you guys are going to become attached and if you realise that you dont like him he is going to get so jealous wen you meet somebody else and vice versa if he moves on so in other words if you truly love him go for it you friend will jst have to accept it but if you dont rather just be friends and save eveybody from hurting in the end. good luck and hope you find your true feelings towards him

Reply to sam
Posted by: mary | 2004/10/24

i have a very confusing situation.there is this guy who is in love eith me and i'm not to sure hoe i feel about him one minute i think i lke him the next minute i don't but we have decided not to get involved in a relationship cos of finals and i'm going to varsity and he is off to the states nex year so it's like when were are together we together but we can still see other people however the major problem is that his best girl friend gets jealous everytime we spent time together and says that he doesn't love her(friendly love)nemore and that he doesn't have time for her and what makes things so much worse is that this girl is my best friend too,so it's causing trouble between us so do you think it wood be better to just be friends with this guy because although i like him i'm definately not in love and we are such good friends and it wood solve all this trouble?

Reply to mary
Posted by: Samio | 2004/10/23

You know i talked to my quen friend(girl) about that and you know sometimes is hard for you to accept and seeing him with other girls ecpecial when you dont have a boyfreind but if you do have a boyfreind it wont be funny seeing him with someone else but a friend is someone who you can tell your secrete and your freind know you better than you boyfreind, but one thng that makes feeling that my freind i can through it away when you are calling someone you care about and doesnt even show you that she care and but when you see her smiling too much but sometimes is too boring to be with your freind or demand more but i think its better to tell him that you do love him only if you wont be kicking someone else.

Reply to Samio
Posted by: SAMY | 2004/10/23

thats cool
I am also have a friend which is a girl but in reality i hate seeing her getting hurt by onother man but i prefer being freinds than being anything else there is only one thing i can tell yo I have a fear that if we can change the way we do things we will lost each other so hang on with him, he loves you too and if you can find out freindship relationship is the one that have hot and sweet love than people that are realy inlove but one fear is that someone will not want you to be with your freind because girls dont trust each other realy i dont know what people must do to keep their relationship but if you act normaly the day for you too will come. be patient dont tell him i know that he is feeling the same way you do nothing is didfferent between you and him.

Reply to SAMY

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