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Question
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/09

Just feeling anxious

Hi CS,

Saturday afternoon, visitng the family for the weekend. When I got here last night, I immediately knew something was up. A slip of the tongue by my sister about a friend that had called, and the look my mom gave her confirmed it all. I had confided in a friend about my self-destructive behavior lately, and it seems she felt the need to tell them. I'm not angry about it, but I don't want my parents to worry about me unnecessarily. And now they're treating me as though I'm fragile and I hear them whispering all the time. It's driving me insane. Although they haven't said anything, I just don't feel up to talking about it either, and I guess all this hush hushing around is making me incredibly anxious.
The puppy has settled in so well here, she's playing around with the other 2 dogs and having a ball. The more I see how much she's enjoying herself, the more I feel like an ogre having to take her back tomorrow. You were right, the idea of getting one might have been good...but I should have investigated on some options more. I wish I could just make a decision about it now and move one, but I feel stuck in a rut. Aaargh!
Thanks for listening anyway.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Mindful,
I understand how disconcerting this must have been, to discover that your family knew something about your problems which you had not chosen to tell them. You're wise to choose not to feel angry with your friend about this, and sensitive to want your family not to get too worried about it. And I've heard the same message from many patients with severe physical illness, too, how awful it is when everyone treats you as if you're made of porcelain and immensely fragile.
I can understand, too, that you may not feel up to an in-depth discussion of all this with them right now ( though at some stage it could be very useful, so they can understand what you need and want, and what you DON'T need or want ! For now, what'd happen if you simply said, you feel there's a lot of whispering and hush hushing, which is making you feel nervous, and they needn't worry about you, and should just relax and let you feel relaxed and happy.
How nice to hear that the puppy is having a ball ! ( literally, perhaps, as well a figuratively !) They're admirably adaptive. How about at least discussing the puppy issue with your folks, not asking them to make any decisions for you, but yoto get their advice and suggestions ?

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