Posted by: Rolling Ball | 2004/10/13

Just a story to share

I broke up with a guy I was engaged to 5 years ago - we were dating for 4 years and I was totally consumed by him to the point where I almost suffered a nervous breakdown when I realised we were drifting apart. I have not heard from him in 4 years and in that time I married the most amazing,caring man whom I could talk to about everything including -my ex and how somehow I just never felt closure to that relationship because it ended so ugly. I was constantly haunted by dreams of him and people telling me things about how well he was doing just to get to me. I'm the kind the person that likes to keep a balance, straightforward and always looks into the pinciple of things and the situation with my ex just never died for me. I idolised him, blamed everything on me . But I'm human and I guess i wanted him to suffer in way for the humiliation he caused my family and as a result the eventual polarisation from the community. Anyway, one year ago my ex contacted me via a mutual friend. I wanted nothing to do with it but my husband encouraged me to hear him out (he's married so what the heck) and to make peace with him and then just finally 'close' the chapter. So I heard him out on condition that he reassured my husband he didn't have any ulterior motives! Perhaps I shouldn't have but I have the utmost respect for my husband and will do nothing to hurt him intentionally but a part of me had too many unanswered questions and i really did wants answers! Turns out he said he was haunted by constant dreams - he married my cousin and cannot relate to her coz he always thinks of me. ( this is every ex's dream I guess - to feel irreplacable). We spoke lots of times, we met ( I actually felt sick seeing him- no feelings at all, perhaps just hatred). everytime I thot I was getting somewhere making peace - I'm reminded of the pain he caused me. Finally, it did take me a while - I decided no more !- he wouldn;t be speaking to me if he was happy with his wife! I refused to be flattered by him, My husband ofcourse thot it really funny coz I tell him everything this guy says.My ex thinks he's the apple of my eye and actually asked me to run away with him! How pathetic is that?! I ofcourse said yes!!! I have no idea why but i guess I wanted to play his filthy game! I'm now pregnant ( with my hubby's baby!!!) and my ex just fell apart. I cannot believe he thot that I'd leave my life just for him! But he continues to call and hound me despite me telling him theres no place for him in my life and that he shouldn concentrate on his wife that he pretends not to love.( I really don't couldn't care so long as I'm not the confidant!).. I know via a friend that that appear very happy!.He just won't quit! I don't answer his calls - then he sends me book long messsages about how he'll never forget me etc. I just ignore. He calls work etc - I stil ignore. I realised that he wants me so that he'll break up my extremly happy marriage, he has delusions of grandeur and he'll do anything to compete with my hubby. Hubby ofcouse is very amused. I just want to point out to all the naive, trusting people like myself - always keep your eyes peeled! My ex is a perfect example of a 'guy mistress?' - whether you take the bait is a choice! You can really only get hurt!

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Our expert says:
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Dear RB,
Sounds like this Ex is a very neurotic guy who badly needs to see a counsellor and work out his problems, without getting involved with yopu again.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shirls | 2004/10/13

Rolling ball,

I fully identify with what you did. I did not do the same thing but i know what it feels like when a relationship ends abruptly. I too had the same experience when my fiance moved towns because of work and then had a relationship with his friend's sister and made her pregnant. When i confronted him he denied it. Eventually he eloped with this girl and wholeload or rubbish. He contacted me six months later to ask me how i was - imagine that. I aked him whether he thought my whole world had just collapsed around me because he disappeared. Set it clear that i was just fine without him and slammed the phone down . He did ty to call several times again saying he was getting divorced and nonsense like that. I did see him two years later and i thought "God, do i have to go through this" Anyway told him to take a hike and leave me alone - i was happily married. he didn't believe him but when i gave him cold shoulders he had to back down.

Now seven years after our split i am happily married to one of the most wonderful men in this world and in a way i am really glad that my engagement had turned into marriage with my ex otherwise i would not have been as happy as i am today.

So, Rolling ball i do not think you did anything foolish. I am glad youhave dealt with your past!

Reply to Shirls
Posted by: P | 2004/10/13

Closure? Such a nice new (old) word everybody uses these days. To me it seems abnormal that after you married your husband, you would have any contact with the previous person in the manner that you did and that your husband still finds this amusing.

Reply to P
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/13

hi there

the fact that you agree to play his game and enjoy the revenge to much is a sign that you still have a lot to learn l girl... you might think you won but " wie laaste lag, lag die lekkerste"

stop playing foolish games, get a restaining order if he continues to harrass you

focus on your hubby who is obviously one in a million


Reply to lady nina

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