Our expert says:
Hello jm ! Pleased to hear you find this service usefulnow, but I'm really sorry that you had an unfortunate experience in earlier years. Some of the nastier people tend to climb in AFTER I have responded to a emssage, so that I'm unlikely to see their later acts of unkindness. You've certainly been through a lot in the meantime.
I'm sorry, too, to hear that you began cutting again. I understand that urge, which you so well describe as " some way to make my pain visible to myself" --- and that's where I have recommended, with success ( it works if one doesn't simply reject it out of hand as silly ) replacing the cutting, which as you find leaves unpleasant scars that limit one's options in life --- and instead, to slash one's arm with a red ( non -permanent !) felt tip pen, koki, or whatever --- it makes a dramatic mark, very visible, but one that can be washed off in due time, and the surface re-used. This, so far, is not "the life you're destined to have" --- it's the life you have, for various reasons, had so far. You can ensure that it becomes a much better, more positive and constructive life from here on. I wonder if they have anyone doing CBT counselling through student health at your uni ? A good CBT counsellor can help you identify the changes you need to make, help you develop the skills that help you to make them, and enable you to go ahead and change.
Good luck with this worthwhile project --- and do keep in contact on the forum and let us know of your progress.
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