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Question
Posted by: crush | 2011/02/04

just a little crush

I have this lecturer and he has been such an angel towards me for the past 2 years. I''ve been having some medical problems and he''s just always been around if I want a chat or if I need some advice on life. He''s also been the only lecturer who has been willing to sit down with me and teach me the stuff that I missed unlike the other lecturers who just said that I should do the work myself and go to them with any problems I have.

Everytime I see him I get butterflies in my stomach and I can''t help but smile when I think about him. Is it really that wrong? I don''t intend on doing anything about, it''s just something that I keep mostly to myself. How can I stop it since he''s lecturing me again this year?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

That's his job. I'm not trying to be cynical or anti-romantic, but that's what a good lecturer / prof will do with any student needing a bit of support. Developing a crush on his is understandable though not really helpful for either of you. It's not about being Wrong, but maybe unwise, especially if you come to expect more of a real emotional relationship.
Maybe try to develop a real personal friendship with another student, male or female, and increase your options to chat about problems, to reduce your dependency on this one guy

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Crush | 2011/02/06

Hey Advantage

I''ve got some " cyber friends"  so to speak, they''re people that I''ve met on health chat/support forums. I only started going into chat rooms when my medical problems started, it''s nice to chat to people who have an inkling of what you''re going through. I''m still looking for someone to release my frustrations on though, I''m scared that I''ll end up chasing them away and I enjoy the relationship that I share with them so I don''t wanna mess that up.

I''ve also entered the " blogosphere"  as a way to vent. That works but only to a certain extent, you need the other part of the conversation to make it work and I usually only get the odd comment.

Anyways, thanks for the wise words. I''ll try my best to find myself a proper " e-pal"  and I hope that you manage to find one for yourself too. Take care

Reply to Crush
Posted by: Advantage | 2011/02/05

Hey Crush,

Am so glad to hear that you actually did the best with his subject(s). Your reply has made me laugh now at-least you are able to see the comical side to it.

you do however need to learn to be a bit more trusting, I understand about the betraying part - but certain things should be kept to yourself but to ease your stress you need someone to open up to for extra insight otherwise the bottling everything up inside is going to eat you up.

I read somewhere on this site about pen pals or something, maybe you should consider finding someone " not from"  within your circle of friends or family that you can speak to and confide in that way your pen pal won''t be able to betray your trust and divulge private things, helping you to learn how to trust again.

It''s just a thought - I sometimes wish I had a pen pal that can be there for me and I can be there for them just like you see in the movies sometimes. But then and again these i''m sure would be hard to find and when you do find one keep them and never let them go as you will have a friend for life.

good luck anyhow hope it really all works out for you

Reply to Advantage
Posted by: crush | 2011/02/05

It takes a lot for me to trust someone to actually feel comfortable enough to chat about problems, I have only one friend that I share a bit with (not that I share any more with the lecturer, I prefer keeping things to myself which I know is not good but that''s the way I''ve always been). This is because many people have betrayed my trust in the past and shared things that I told them with others. I think though that I subconsciously chose him because I can''t have more of an emotional relationship with him.

Advantage, don''t worry, I can''t help but laugh at myself sometimes as well when I think about this. And you know what, out of all my subjects last year, I actually did do the best in his, hehe

Reply to crush
Posted by: advantage | 2011/02/05

you should use this to your advantage, you say you won''t be pursuing it and i agree that would be an excellent thing not to since he is your lecturer.

since you have these butterfly feelings when he is around use it to better your studies these feelings will definately make you work harder at the subject(s) he offers

I can only just giggle at your dliemma
have fun

Reply to advantage
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/05

That's his job. I'm not trying to be cynical or anti-romantic, but that's what a good lecturer / prof will do with any student needing a bit of support. Developing a crush on his is understandable though not really helpful for either of you. It's not about being Wrong, but maybe unwise, especially if you come to expect more of a real emotional relationship.
Maybe try to develop a real personal friendship with another student, male or female, and increase your options to chat about problems, to reduce your dependency on this one guy

Reply to cybershrink

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