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Question
Posted by: Sms Queen | 2005/12/13

Jealousy

How do I overcome this.

I have been cheated on by various partners, who I met in pubs that says a lot.

But my current boyfriend is suffering and it's going to cause a problem. Last night he said he know's I phoned 2 numbers from his phone on Saterday.

These are things I do or think:

1. Every nite I go through his phone but there is nothing to be found.
2. When there is a number I dont know I put it on my phone and phone it the next day to hear if it's a woman.
3. I heard an sms and then he said he's going for a walk on Sunday do I want to come with his son's going with, my first thought was that someone had sms'd him, I confronted him he said it must be my phone, I checked and it was.
4. I do spot checks on him to see if he's car is at work and when he say's he is somewhere then I go and check.
5. I redail on his business phone and on our home phone to see who he last called.
6. I go through his wallet and his pants pockets.
7. When I phone him and he's line is busy I phone him on his cell so that he must finish he's converstion on the other side so I can figuire out who he's talking to.
8. Sometimes he's line is busy and he say's he's just spoken to so and so then I'll phone so and so and ask so when last did you speak to my boyfriend.

This is driving us nuts! I just cannot help myself.

What if I leave everything and trust him and he then cheats on me ? It's as if I want to catch him then I know its over then the pain will be less than later?

Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is pathological jealousy and needs treatment --- you don't describe having any reasonable basis for this all-consuming jealousy, which sounds as if it is becoming a full-time occupation for you. And behaviour like this drives away good partners. See a good local shrink asap for assessment, treatment advice, and counselling. FIO is right, you are sabotaging this relationship. You are acting out a self-fulfilling prophecy, having such powerful expectations of something going wrong, that you are unnecessarily forcing them to go wrong in the way you expect.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Kim | 2005/12/13

There is nothing more unattractive than a over jealous person the a relationship. You need professionsal help.

Reply to Kim
Posted by: Blue Eyes | 2005/12/13

If you continue with this behaviour you will loose him to someone else. There is nothing worse than a jealous partner. My husband used to be like that, I caught him one day going through my handbag. I let him have it!!!

Even though he is your boyfriend he is also entitled to some privacy. If he wants to cheat on you he can do it anytime anywhere, without your knowledge.

Why do you want to make yourself sick over this?? You are doing yourself one hell of an injustice. From all this checking up on him, have you found anything suspicious going on??

If you didn't then it shows you can trust him, stoppit immediately.

Reply to Blue Eyes
Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/13

Well your fear of loosing him is exacly what will cause you to loose him.

You are obsessed to "catch him out", even if there is nothing to catch.
Do you WANT him to cheat then!? cuz you so badly want to find sumthing incriminating.

You really do have issues. I clearly remember your post about you need sms'es consantly & now you are letting your boyfriend come home to a search party.
insecurity is defnitly an issue for you. See a therapist!!????
Really, you are going to ruin your life going on the way you do!!!
As I see it, all you think, eat, sleep is this guy!!????
Its very unhealthy what you are doing....please seek proffesional help ASAP

Reply to Delene
Posted by: SMS Queen | 2005/12/13

Fio you are so right it's scary. I have never cheated on a partner though. Yes I have to work on this and keep this man because he is really wonderful. Im just so scared of being hurt again.

Your words touched me, thank you.

Reply to SMS Queen
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

When you think you dont deserve something, youtend to sabotage things, create problems, and then when problems do arise, you can at least justify them.

Or, because you always expect things to go wrong, and because you dont want to be cught for a fool, you make things go wrong so they go wrong before you get cauight out for being blind to it.

Youhave a fear of being taken for a ride, so you make your fear become reality before you get taken for a ride.

You sabotage every relationship, and when each one falls apart, you can look at yourself as the victim of cheating men. You lack of trust drives men to keep secrest from you, because you are forever houndng them, forever not believing what they say or explain. So after a while they learn to be careful with you, learn to walk on egg shells, and learn how to keep even the most innocent thigns away from you because you probably dont believe them if they tell you something is innocent. My ex was a bit like you. If I told her things, I would bein sh..t, if I kept them from her, I would be in sh...t. It was a case of no matter what I did, lie or tell the truth, i would be in sh..t becuas eof her insecurioties and issues with herself.

My suggestion is take a look at your lfie, what are you scared of and why, and what is it about yourself that you dont trust? I'm sure you'll be surprised to find that you probably dont trust yourself..., or am I wrong?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: ZeeZee | 2005/12/13

We take our baggage from relationship to relationship. What you do is not right but I understand where you coming from and you need to get help. Go and see a councelour because you are going to drive this man away. This had become a obsession to you and it is not healty but I think with the right help you can get through this....Good luck

Reply to ZeeZee
Posted by: mango girl | 2005/12/13

You have a problem girlfriend, big time, you are driving them to have these sideline flings. Get a life

Reply to mango girl

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