Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Confused and thanks for your message, which raises several points...
Your relationship (which you describe as "...we've been seeing each other...") is still at an early stage, during which norms, values and trust need to be established. But it can be difficult to establish these significant elements of the relationship if there's no clear and shared understanding of what the relationship is all about. Are you "seeing each other", as in dating, or is there a shared understanding of commitment? Is this a monogamous relationship? A clear understanding of what this relationship means to each of you, in terms of boundaries and norms related to interacting with others, could help you feel more secure. In spite of your feeling confident of his loving you, you guys need to somehow get clarity on the boundaries of the relationship.
Jealousy implies insecurity, often related to a perception of powerlessness. Power dynamics can include material wealth, physical appearance, social skills or even one partner having a higher sense of individuality or independance than the other. Sometimes, age becomes a power dynamic. You seem to attach particular significance to the fact that he's younger than you, and that this could increase your risk of losing him. Maybe the problem isn't that he's younger than you - possibly the issue is that you're not comfortable with your own age and feel vulnerable in this regard.
Is it possible that you tend to over-value your partner, and under-value yourself? Your partner has chosen to be with you, not with anyone else. Appreciate that. In this light your jealousy may not be about him - it could be more about your own needs and issues.
Sometimes people act out their jealousy - and their own sense of inadequacy - by spying on a partner, stalking or 'checking up'. This isn't healthy for either partner and may indicate that a few sessions with a psychologist would be beneficial.
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