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Question
Posted by: Trudie | 2005/07/25

JEALOUSY

I am a 33 years of age, my husban 37 and married for nearly 16 years with two beautiful children. When I first met my husband at the age of 14 I was young and thought the jealousy he protrayed was sweet and that he wanted to protect me. However, since we got married he displayed extreme jealous, not only about my clothes I wore etc. but also towards other males and more particularly our friends. I was never allowed to have a casual friendship with other males and even if I dared talking to other men I was in trouble. From time to time my husband accused me of having affairs with other men which hurt a great deal as I have always been faithful. Matters got worse over the past few months and he even started to spoil my friendship which I have with my only two female friends I have. Three weeks ago I wanted to leave him as I could not keep up with his jealousy any more. For the sake of my children I stayed and he promised to get help. He is receiving therapy now and although I have seen some change I often wonder if his jealousy would ever be totally cured. Please could you give me some advice and your views on the matter.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like this could be an example of what we call pathological jealousy, which can be helped through counselling, but this is difficult to achieve as the individual often doesn't see themselves as having any problem at all. It's good news that he has accepted this fact and that he is seeing someone for therapy --- we can't predict how fully he may be able to learn to control this jealousy, but the fact that he agreed to therapy is a promising sign.
Maybe ask if it would be acceptable for you to join one or two sessions with his therapist, so you can better understand how you can help

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/25

Jealousy breaks up many,many relationships.One needs to have some "space" but be careful that you don't overdo it,too much space can be harmful too.
You need to sit down with your hubby and have a very serious talk.Lay down the ground rules oln both sides and then stick to them.
You might be causing some of the jealousy without realising it,so take a look at yourself too.
You can work things out,just try harder.

Reply to SG
Posted by: meAgain | 2005/07/25

I know how you feel Trudie.

I have the same problem as you. I'm 35, married 14 years, and my wife is very jelous. I cannot take it anymore and feel like I want out. But what about the children? And how will you ever get it out of them?

Sorry that I cannot give you any answers, but believe me, you are not alone.

Reply to meAgain
Posted by: Pencil | 2005/07/25

I also think DJ is telling the truth. Your husband at the same time is jealousy coz he loves you. He is just over-reacting. For instance if he didn't love you he would never have a problem with you socializing with other men. Settle down with him and try to talk.

Reply to Pencil
Posted by: DJ | 2005/07/25

If he is getting help and you can notice this allready, stick to him and help him to overcome the insecurities he has. For him to go for help means he does not want to loose you or the children. Stand by him and motivate him and remember, the change will take time to complete.

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