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Question
Posted by: me | 2007/11/27

jealous boyfriend

Is it possible for a jealous, paranoid person to ever imagine the slightest possibility that they have a problem and that their perceptions have nothing to do with me, the supposedly perpetual cheat? I've tried everything with my now-and-then-ex boyfriend: i've tried ignoring it, telling him it's insulting and upsetting, sulking, reassuring him, laughing it off ... EVERYTHING.

I've tried explaining to him that he has a problem and urged him to try to look at it objectively - i've simply asked him if i'm the 1st person ever that he's had issues with but whenever he feels cornered he just becomes angry and more accusatory. i've been going through this for 6 yrs now. i'm exhausted!

What do guys talk about when they're together, shouldn't his friends try to give him some perspective when he vents to them?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmm. If they could be as understanding as you very reasonably would wish, I don't suppose you could call them jealous or paranoid, could you ? If he's your ex, why are you still arguing with him at all ? Move on. He is NOT going to change spontaneously, and if he wont admit that there is a problem, he won't be able to get the expert help that could enable him to solve it. Why are you persisting in expecting a miracle ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: -|||- | 2007/11/27

Guys talk about a range of things; fitness, jolling, sport, women, current dates, what the exes are up to, finances, business, holidays, cars, bikes etc etc, but that’s not really what you want to know, hey ? Chances are that your boyfriend knows that he is extremely jealous and chances are very good that if he veers on the topic between his friends that they’ll tell him to get real. Tthat's why he won't display his insecurities between friends. So don’t expect his friends to get some savvy into his head. If maybe he has one very good friend he may disclose his weakness and the friend will turn his head in the right direction, but don't even count on that. There’s really no help for the problem other than for him to realise it himself and do something to get rid of his insecurities – probably by seeing someone for help.

Reply to -|||-
Posted by: ???@@@ | 2007/11/27

The problems with GUYS :

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are TOO IN LOVE, moving too fast;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD .

If u DRESS NICELY, he says u are trying to LURE other men;
If u DON?T, he says u are RURAL.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN, too manly;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS, a walkover ..

If u are SMARTER than him, you?re a SHOW-OFF;
If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't LOVE him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u LOVE him, He takes you FOR GRANTED. (very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE to him, he says u DON?T LOVE him;
If u DO, he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEMS, he says u are TROUBLE;
If u DON?T, he says u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD at him, u are treating him like a CHILD;
If he SCOLDS at u, it?s because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your promise, u cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, it is circumstances beyond his CONTROL.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your career, it's LUCK ;
If he does WELL, it?s definitely BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE !!

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET IT RIGHT????????


Reply to ???@@@
Posted by: Lolo | 2007/11/27

me, what really has happend, i can see u are very angry?

Reply to Lolo

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