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Question
Posted by: NLM | 2004/10/27

JEALIOUS WIFE

This is my first posting on this site, so i trust that only people who have positive inputs, would please react or give comments.

I am a CEO of a large group of companies, in my early 40's. I have been married for four years to a wonderfull woman, extremely beautifull etc etc. The problem is that her jealousy is driving me up against the walls. I dont drink or smoke and are very health concious, but its just logical that a person in my capacity needs to go out with clients ( I will eat and have a colddrink ) and furthermore I visit the gym every day.

I am always confronted about calls on my cell and when there are woman amongst my clients, i get cross questioned like a rapest in court==i go through " court cases" with her on a daily basis.

I now had enough. I have decided to take my stuff and leave, cause i just cannot handle this any more. We tried to communicate about this on 1000 occations, but it just never ends.
I hate going home the last 6 months and its got so bad, that when I appoint someone in my Company, i always have to make sure this woman is not very attractive, otherwise i get so much flack about her beauty that it is just not true.

Do you understand my hell and predicament?

I am leaving tomorrow as a matter of fact---have not found a place yet, but believe me, tomorrow i'm out. I have more than 400 people working for me and they all talk about my wife's jealousy and can you imagine how i feel ??

Am i doing the right thing? What else could i have tried.? I give her everything she wants or need and it does not matter at what expense, i have the money so i buy it for her, but hell, look what i get in return==shit on a daily basis.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

NLM< I understand and respect your grief and frustration. Apart from normal jealousy, which we can all feel at times, there is a fully recognized problem called Pathologigcal Jealousy which arises where someone for reasons internal to themselves, feels excessively jealous and suspicious whether or not there is any possible basis for such feelings. It can respond to treatment from a shrink, but then we run into the old paradox --- with a condition like this where other people often suffer from it far more than the person who actually has the condition, it can be hard to convince them that they have a disorder needing treatment. Sometimes one can sort out these issues in proper skilled marriage counselling, too. But again --- it needs the person afflicted to recognize that they need help and to sincerely participate in getting such expert help. On the whole, people like this are their own worst enemy and they do not change, especially because they see no need to change.
In the end one often does have to face the fact that the situation may be impossible to relieve, and to depart and look after your own life and happiness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bull | 2004/10/28

Julle vrouens is jaloers en dink al hierdie vreeslike dinge uit wat julle doen omdat hulle verveeld is.

Ek kan jou wed jou vrou werk nie. Sy sit bedags in die haarsalon en skinder by die haarkapper oor jou en wat jy aanvang.

Kry vir haar 'n werk wat haar sal besig hou of koop vir haar 'n koffie shop sodat sy te besig sal wees om heeltyd te wonder watter mooi vrou jou nou weer probeer bed toe sleep.

Sterkte.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: I'm the jealous wife | 2004/10/28

As I read your stories, I cringe in my boots.
I'm married to a very successful man as well, and yes, we are jealous of your success. It seems you have everything we haven't. And of course, we believe that because you're so successful every other woman wants you, and you wnat them... blah blah blah.
Jealousy can change, and I have - no it;s not a miracle wonder overnight magic formula, my husband lost it one night and got totally drunk out to lunch with some other business people (which he never does, he was just so gatvol!), and so he came home and having no inhibitions told me exactly how he felt and that he was leaving and not for another woman, just for his sanity. Because he;s not a walking dick like I like to portray him. And the one thing that hit me the most was that he hurt so much that I had such a low opinion of him.
Since then my eyes are open and I see what kind of person he actually is, and I was simply just jealous of his success.
So instead of focusing on his life and getting jealous over every little thing that he might or might not be doing.... I've decided to go out there in this big wide world and find my own success.
I'm currently working, I find it absolutely stimulating - I come into contact with so many different people, I am studying part-time and it's a whole different world than sitting around trying to find ways to hurt those we love most...
Not to be rude, but tell your wives to go get their own success, and realise that they may not become CEO's, but they can find their own special way of contributing positively to this world - and to their own lives.
Good luck gentlemen, but yes, I know that if your wives do not try everything they can to change their attitude, you have the full right to leave them - because I;ve seen the hurt we can cause and it;'s so unnecessary. I must say you sound like really wonderful guys, and I think any woman would be lucky to know you - spend their lives with you - and MOST importantly understand and support you, like you deserve. You;'re not the stereotypical egotistical men in management who seek only to bed other women you come into contact with... you've risen above that - your 'better halves' should love you enough to rise above their stereotypical insecurities too.
Best to you all!!

Reply to I&#39;m the jealous wife
Posted by: Snooks | 2004/10/28

Ongelukkig is dit so dat as 'n vrou erg jaloers is gaan jy haar nie sommer verander nie of eers wil probeer nie jy gaan dit net erger maak! Kom ons dink nou maar logies, enige man wat 'n hoë posisie beklee het mag, en enige vrou sal tog jaloers wees nie op jou sukses as sulks nie maar die feit dat jy sosaliseer in hoë kringe en jy natuurlik ander dames ontmoet wat invloedryk is en dit maak dat julle vrouens meer jaloers is. Ek is vasbeslote indien julle nie in die hoë kringe beweeg het nie hulle nie so "offended" sou gevoel het nie!

En ek kan verstaan dit plaas geweldig druk op julle want julle moet altyd gemotiveerd wees en 'n positiewe uitkyk op julle werk hê juis omdat julle mense het wat onder julle werk! Julle word basicly op 'n troontjie geplaas by die werk en die mense kyk op na julle as base! En ja dit maak julle moedeloos om nog huislike probleme te hê veral 'n jaloerse vrou wat alles bevraagteken en dit plaas julle in 'n ongemaklike posisie. En wie wil nou hê dat almal van jou jaloerse vrou moet praat by die werk want jy is altyd die een wat in beheer is van situasies by die werk en dit voel nou vir jou dit is buite jou beheer!

NLM praat met jou vrou en vertel vir haar dat sy is deel van jou "sukses" en dit is belangrik dat sy jou ondersteun en bystaan veral na 'n dag se harde werk en besluitnemings! (Dink eerder sy moet baie trots op jou wees, want agter 'n sukses volle man staan tog 'n suksesvolle vrou..."wink wink")

Wat dit erger vir jou maak is jy gym en natuurlik lyk jy seker baie goed vir jou ouderdom. Al is jou vrou self stunning maak dit haar nie minder jaloers nie maar eerder minderwaardig want sy weet dalk enige vrou sal vir jou ogies maak! Ek neem aan jou vrou werk nie, het sy iets waarmee sy haar besig kan hou sodat haar gedagtes nie die hele tyd by jou is en jou verdink van alles nie??

NLM mens trek nie net uit nie werk daar deur het julle al gegaan vir berading? Jy wil tog nie vier jaar net weggooi oor iets wat dalk uitgesorteer kan word nie!! Dan praat ek nie eers van hoe lank julle in totaal by mekaar is nie.

Ek verstaan 100% dat dit jou in 'n verleentheid stel maar probeer eers 'n alternatief voordat jy net uittrek! En dan as jy probeer het van jou kant af en sy wil nie jou tegemoed kom rakende haar jaloesie nie dan sal ek sê kan jy jou hande in onskuld vas maar net nadat jy 'n stap geneem het om dit uit te sorteer van JOU kant af!

Sterkte!

Reply to Snooks
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/10/28

to the guys with the jealouis spouses. i say dump them, leave them, or better yet go ahead and have an affair, do all the things that you get blamed for anyway, besides you gonna get the same amount of flak for it then you get now anyway and not doing anything. I bet you that your jealouse spouses are like that cause they are scared of lossing the goose that lays the golden egg...right.

stuffit boys, life is to short to live in a war zone, get out and go and enjoy or turn the tables.

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/28

Hi Guys,

I hope you don't take my words the wrong way, & just know that they are just that... words!!!
Anyway, what you guys say here make a whole lot of sense & there are some very wise words to consider as well. Oh, & to Kabous, I really can't believe your shrink suggested you stay away from jealous woman & that they never change. I think you should have changed shrinks immediately. I am a firm believer that given what they really want & the right stimulae, anybody can change. I feel strongly that its got a lot to do with how happy & satisfied you are in any given situation.
Fair enough she could be jealous of your continual success & your drive & ego & authority. But may I ask what she has to do with herself on a dialy basis? Does she work? Does she enjoy her work? If she is not working does she do anything she could be proud of? You see, I feel you need to get to the root of the problem (jealousy) & attend to that. Could it not be that she feels left out of your seemingly active & interesting daily life while she may have nothing to compare to your extravagance.
See, I feel that she maybe feeling quite inferior & in a roundabout way trying to make you feel that you are not doing enough to take notice or to even try bring you down to her level so then she may feel kinda equal in a way. I am sure a lot of the women on the forum will have good advice to offer that you'd be able to use.
I kinda know how it is as well. You deal with all this stuff the whole day & you just wanna get home & relax with a loving doting wife that wouldn't give you no more hassles than you've had the whole day. But you get home & don't look forward to having to answer all these questions & queries. See guys, in a relationship, it takes two people. There is hardly ever a case where just one person is totally wrong. Come-on you guys seem to be great business men that have the capability of handling difficult situations & people, otherwise you won't be where you are today. If things at work where not going the way you wanted to, would you just pack up & walk out???

Sorry if I said anything that wasn't positive. I would also like you to take into account that your wife is also a person that needs appreciation & recognition, & no she does not have to cater to your every want & need. I think you need to treat her in such a way that she needs to want to give you what you want at home. & No, expensive gifts & everything she may ever want doesn't really do it.

Lastly, there was something in this woman that gace you the notion that she was the one you wanted to marry & spend your life with... FIND THAT AGAIN!!! Instead of just throwing in the towel.

Know what Gary Player said when he was asked how he is still so good at golf??? His reply: "Funny how the more I practise, the better I get." You guys have problem solving & people skills, make good use of your evident talents.

I really am sorry if what I said was not what you wanted to hear... These are just my opinions.

Good luck guys,
Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: hubbie | 2004/10/28

same problem - also in my forties and CEO/Director of companies. I have to be so careful about what I say and do and she continually nails me when she can to satisfy her own stupid ego. She never has a good word to say and continually tells me she wishes my projects would fail.
At the end you really sit and think about all the uphill this person gives you. She does not seem to have a clue of the daily crap one has to handle.
We are going for counselling today but at this stage I think about dumping her and to have some peace in my life.

Reply to hubbie
Posted by: Kabouslove | 2004/10/27

Hi there.
To me it sounds like you are a very successful man and you are a well balanced person.I also had a very attractive wife and she was also jealous on me and need a lot of attention to satisfy her mind and full of moods.
I couldn’t handle it myself and went to see a psychologist.He then told me to stay away from jealous woman.They never change and be like that always and even get worst when you fight back because you do not see her point of vew.We went then for counselling as well and it was 8 sessions and on the last session we still fight about the problem in the first and I made up my mind to get divorced.Because of your success it feels to her you got power and do things and get what you want and it makes her feel unsecured.Also your position in your work and your self confidence and personality makes her feel very far behind and al she got is to be very beautiful and that does not mean that much in your type of life style.That is why I got divorced I do not need to impress a lady and she is on my back all the time to makes her feel better.
What you need is a self confidence lady that stand behind her husband and every body in your company say the boss got a very good wife that stand behind her man and boost him to be successful.

Reply to Kabouslove

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