Posted by: Apache_boy | 2008/06/15

its over... all of it

as melodramatic as my previous post was that i said i think its over... i thought that we worked through everything...

He was supposed to come visit me today (yep it is sunday morning 1:08am) for the first time... i was so excited...

Tonight i went to watch dvds at a friends house... he called me and we chatted... nothing serious... told me he loves me and i must enjoy my evening...

Then about an hour later i receive this super long sms telling me its over between the two of us!!!!! An SMS for crying out loud... Just like that he throws away 26 months... and he didnt even have the guts to tell me... i know i am in joburg and he is 100kms away, even a phone call would be better than a damn sms!!!!

So yes, i am devestated right now... i cant sleep, i cant think, i just sit here smoking one cigarette after the other...

Sorry for ranting and raving guys... but now i dont have anyone to turn to...

Hugs n love

Ps. I think i might be skipping the forum a bit, till i feel better or at least less bitter...

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Our expert says:
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Hi Apache_Boy and as always thanks for posting. I hope that by now you're feeling a bit better and that we'll be hearing from you soon again.

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Our users say:
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/06/19

I agree with NIKKITS.

Deal with it, think of the happy moments and move on as no wound ever heals without the will power to allow it to heal.

You owe it to yourself to be happy. NEVER let another destroy it. Get up and move on. No use crying over spilt milk, however hard this might seem. Also, all experiences in life are lessons and we grow theough hardship to become a better person.

Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/06/18

Ok, hang on a minute guys and gals …

Sure sounds like you two had the carpet ripped from under you and you both came crashing face down …

SO what is wrong here?

As an outsider I can imagine this hurt and bitterness but as someone who has seen the best side of life (and the worst) perhaps you need to stop this bus you are on (heading down hill, towards a cliff) and get off it. OK, I know you like the idea of this bus going over the edge and bang, no more hurt, no more the both of you either …. AND FOR WHAT??

Sounds to me you both just got out of relationships you should never have been in at all.

Just what is this business of “giving it all you had, your every thing, not seeing the signs?” ……. Reason why you never saw the signs most probably was because you were so busy making these relationships all about YOU and forgot to notice the mood change from the other half in the relationship.

Just what can you possibly gain by NOT EATING, starving yourselves and feeling miserable mostly because you have stopped to care about YOU?

My dear people, life is about choices and it starts with always and first of all being in LOVE WITH YOURSELF. You cannot ever think that what you don’t like about you will make it better if you look for the better in someone else. Just like you, that someone else also may have gone looking for the strengths in you, found it not to be and moved on.

Why would hearing “this is over” sound better then reading “this is over”?? It has nothing to do with the “it is over” it has all to do with what you just LOST and never wanted to hear or read.

Strange how the person you love and did everything for, now suddenly becomes a coward when telling you it is over in a way that did not suit you.

Come guys, you are on the wrong bus; you are far too beautiful individuals to allow failed relationships to ruin your lives. Deal with it, think of the happy moments and move on as no wound ever heals without the will power to allow it to heal.


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Need Nickname | 2008/06/15


I am going to write here, like no one else is reading this. I am desperate. Although, I am scared too, that this might become a case of the blind leading the blind.

Reading your post has been like looking into mind, exactly how I feel. I cannot believe that we are able to be so close so someone, and they hit you with a sledgehammer, totally out of the blue.

My girl and I dated for 2 years and seven months, to the day, when she decided to show me them kissing on webcam. Read previous post. I am so shattered. I cannot hold back the tears and have no family around to talk to, or to receive a hug from.

What breaks me, is the way in which she (and your bf) decided to go about things. She couldn't tell me to my face, and had to wait until she was thousands of km's away from me to actually break up. It leaves me wondering if I was such a bad (and maybe terrifying?) person that she wouln't do it face to face.

I had the same situation, where we were having problems, but was CONVINCED that we sorted them out. I don't know what happened or how to fix this all... my heart being no1. I haven't stopped crying and it's been super hard, because my dad doesn't know I am gay and had to endure a father's day breakfast, struggling to hold back the tears and wanting to barf everytime I took a bite of food. (She sent me a msg saying she was going to tell him, and send him pics, not like I care, but that's not how a dad should find out his little girl is gay).

I haven't eaten since Friday (apart from 1/4 omlette today, which came straight back up, nearly didn't make the bathroom) and have been smoking myself silly. Haven't slept either, (my job is super demanding, and on average I get 4 hours a night, but didn't sleep last night) which I know contributes to how I feel, but when I close my eyes, I see her. I hate sleeping in our bed, cos it's too big. Can't sleep on our sleep couch, cos there is noone to sleep by the window and protect me. Can't sleep in the spare room cos it doubles up as my study and then I want to check if she is online or has sent me a msg...

Another kak thing is that I just signed a contract with a company and had to go in to work today, and is extremely difficult to hold back tears in front of prominent directors and producers.

I look like hell, I feel like hell. Driving home from work tonight, it hit me hard. Super hard. Going to watch David Gale tonight. There is an excellent scene where they describe the process of grief (which came in very handy when my best friend was murdered), and will post it here.

I hate myself for not seeing the signs. All her family was in on this too, and I was only good for helping them financially. Everything makes so much sense, but I hate the fact that it came to late.

I wanna kill her, I wanna bash her head in, I wanna hold her tight and tell her I love her insanely and never let her go...

I know these things take time, but right now, I don't have the time to deal with it. I want to be numb.... from life, from it all.... I want to go away..... 'I want the world to go away'...

Reply to Need Nickname
Posted by: Need Nickname | 2008/06/15

Pls don't skip thr forum.... I really want to keep in contact with you..

She broke up with me on webcam.... A-boy, what it happening to the world...

This happened Saturday, early morning, havent eaten, havent slept.... drinking coffee and smoking like my world is ending.... - feels like it anyways.....

Reply to Need Nickname

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