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Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

Its Over

my heart has been RIPPED OUT and MINCED with a meat grinder.....i am HURTING beyond any HURT, i am in PAIN, i can't take this anymore, i can't take this life anymore, i have been HURT ONE TOO MANY TIMES, this is the LAST time, i am delussional, i am loosing it, i am loosing my sanity, i am what people would now consider a FREAK, and you know what I HOPE I GO TO HELL, i think i would be happier there than living in this LIFE, feeling this PAIN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.....you know what, i will NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, in fact i have SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED TAKING MY LIFE.....i am GOING TO !!!!! i just need the strength, i want to make it fast and quick i want to feel nothing........i want to die i want to die i want to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

enough, no, don't give up. Immediately, call one of the helpline numbers listed in this site, like Lifeline, and talk things over with them. And, depending on the results of such a conversation, either go to your shrink if you already have one, or to your GP, or to the Casulaty Dept of the enarest good large hospital, and arrange to see a shrink asap, to work on this crisis you are experiencing. You CAN get through this and find a better and happier way of life afte this, if you will enable this to happen. It is NOT your destiny to be doomed or to give up.
The fact that some pattern of problems has recurred, doesn't mean that the situation is hopeless, but that you are in some way misunderstanding the problem situation, not managing to avoid it and get beyond it.
Sometimes we keep trying the same solution, which may be an excellent solution, but not to the particular problem it's aimed at.
You had a miserable childhood through no fault of your own. Sounds like you could be skilled at loving, but unfortunately you haven't yet found a person truly worthy of the intensity of your love or appreciative of it. Taht doesn't mean you can't find such a person.
But therapy may be needed to help you become less vulnerable, more able to use the great strengths of resilience you have built up in getting through life so far.
And you eventually said something both right and important where you need to listen again to yourself -- " i am so serious about this, but then again, a part of me dosn't want it, otherwise i wouldn't be making a nusence of myself on this forum" You're not a nuisance, and we'd like you to become a egular contributor here. But listen to that part of you that brought you here because you DON't want to die.
Nobody else needs to understand how much you loved this girl ; but if she hurt you this badly and left you this bereft, she was not worthy of the love you gave to her.
If in therapy you would work on the important task of loving yourself more (Paris makes a very important point here ) --- you would be better able to love another less desperately and frantically, and more joyfully. Learn to appreciate your strengths and qualities, and you'll become better able to interact safely with others, and with more fulfillment.
Our people have shown you that it is possible to survive and triumph over even more appalling situations in life, like Prilly and NLM and so many others here ; and to succeed and earn the happiness one wants. You can do so, too. Stay with us, keep contact over the days, and work on getting the proper therapy you deserve, and you'll soon be able to become part of the solutions in this world, rather than only someone experiencing it's problems.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: V | 2004/11/16

Enough.... No person on earth is worth taking your life for.
Hope you manage to get through this, you will never get over the hurt people cause in your life, but learn to live with it, suicide is not the answer, who knows, when you commit suicide you might just find that life here on earth was a breeze comparing to what is waiting for you on the other side...what then??? Learn to love and accept yourself, do not look for happiness and validation in other people, because if you do you will be dissappointed for the rest of your life, i have come to that conclusion from my own experiences. No person can make you a happy person, but yourself. Please be strong dont make any decisions now, until you can get yourself focused again.

Reply to V
Posted by: jo' | 2004/11/16

just get over it man.....i agree with Demon....with your heading it screams ATTENTION!!!!!! People tried helping you with their advices but you still hellbent you killing yourself because of women, go ahead and kill yourself there are people with real problems here....no attention seekers

KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to jo'
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

just what i needed....to get in shit with the boss for not working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Ditto Demon!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Not true Enough. We all need alone time more often than we think. It helps your mind to give your thoughts a chance to work through them.
So, why be alone tonight? I am sure there must be friends or relatives in the picture somewhere. You would never know how much they mean to you until it comes to times like these.

Eish, you have given so much of yourself that there seems to be not much left for you. Wrong!!! There's a lot left in you, just look how this posting is growing. See, there are so many people here that do care about you!!!

By the way. I think you should be quite chuffed with yourself coz expressing your hurt here has made so many others open up to thir experiences & try share with you what they have been through.

We often think nobody goes through what we have to endure, until we open our ears, & hearts, & actually listen.

I am quite amazed & taken back by most of the things we have all been through, & I must here take this opportunity to tell you all that being a part of you guys brings me pride. You have been through so much, & I salute you for your determination & perseverance.

Enough, you should use these guys as an example boet.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Demon | 2004/11/16

Hey then do it, you dont whant help you whant piity, you dont whant advise you whant some one besides yourself to take responsability for your life!!! You and people like you make me sick, yes your live has been tough so what all of us hear have tough lives, people hurting them selfs by cutting them selves, people with drinking problems people with bi polar ext. You have hurd all the replies and advise now read it again and for your sake i hope you desision is right there are numbers on to to phone if you need to talk but please there are people with actual problems that are dying every day in more pain an angush than you can think of befor you go home go to a canserward in a hospital and go through the ward and talk to 6 and 8 year olds wit ca and to moms and dad that are there and dont know if they will se there kids next buthday come on i chalange you, do that then tell me how bad your live is, you dont even know halve of it man. You desgust me!!

Reply to Demon
Posted by: Enough is ENOUGH | 2004/11/16

Give it up guys, SADDY is just looking for attention! Its quite obvious that he didnt come here for help, but just to prove everyone on this forum is talking crap.

NLM - you amaze me, what a wonderfull end to your sad life, well done!!

Reply to Enough is ENOUGH
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

thanks paris, i am a male by the way!
And unfortunatly Inc it has not only killed all the love i have inside me, including the love i have for myself....it has DESTROYED IT!!!!!!!!!

When i go home tonight, i am going to be all alone, my mind will run wild and i won't be able to handle it i know it.....LONLYNESS KILLS!!!!!!!!!1

Reply to enough
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/16

Last night one of the women at our pool club got the news that her 17 year old son has just committed suicide - because of a girlfriend. Could you imagin what this poor woman went through??? The pain, the sorrow, the questions and... and....

He left behind his family, parents, brothers and sisters to deal with this trauma - and also his ex girlfriend, but she already has another boyfriend and would probably be over it very quickly. The question is - is it worth it? Who are you going to hurt the most? Because that is what suicide is about 90% of the time - you want to hurt someone. Unfortunately you often miss the target by a mile.

Get some help and get out of this depression - there are many fish in the sea - if someone drops you it does not have to be the end of the world. Your judgement is clouded at this stage - so you need help to get focussed again. In a few years time you would probably think that you were stupid to even consider suicide as a solution to your problems. Well, it is not - you just create more problems for the people you leave behind.

Please get some help - you will not regret it later when you are through this period of depression.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/16

Sorry also thought you were a gal.

Ofcourse you're going to push this girl away if you're insecure and obsessed. No one wants to be in a smothering relationship, and you're only doing this because you feel she is feeding you your oxygen on a daily basis. She's not. You're still breathing aren't you?

We all get hurt Enough, we all feel like its soul shattering and self destroying, but we work through these feeling. We talk to professionals who are trained to put every thing into perspective.

There is always a lesson to be learnt buddie, and scars heal but they always leave their mark. That mark is there to remind us of a lesson learnt.

I know what im saying is probably a load of shyte to you cause you dont seem compas mentos at the moment. Just breathe dude, and calm down. And work through it. And keep on communicating with us. Even though you seem alone now, you can clearly see you're not.

Keep the faith,

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey Enough,

You need to work through this boet!!! Just what are you thinking when you say that nobody has ever loved as much as you???!!! I hope you noticed though, that you said "you made her your life" so it was actually your choice to put all your faith in one person.
I am of the opinion that if you feel so much for another person that you lose yourself in the process, then you don't really love that person, but you tend more towards selfishness coz you only concentrate on what you want out of the relationship, out of this person. Sorry Enough, but that's just my opinion.
So, if you can, tell me why this person broke up with you? Do you know boet what the hardest & surest way of knowing when you are really truly in love??? It is when you know when to let go. It is when you put all your needs & wants on the back-seat for a while coz you want this person to be happy. Can I ask you here, does she mean that much to you??? Coz all I'm hearing right now is how much you are hurting. How much you've been through. How you can't take this life anymore....

Do you see the pattern here Enough? I am sorry for being mean, but truly speaking, I know you don't really want to give up. You just want to hurt, or you want someone that understands your hurt right now. Know that you are allowed to hurt, as much as you allow yourself to.

Come, let me hear your response to this now...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: NLM | 2004/11/16

Enough, let me give you a look into my life, and see if yours could be worse: JUST READ MONA'S STORY ON THE 3 YEAR OLD GIRL AS WELL.

I was sent to an Orphanage at the age of 5. Then adopted at the age of 10, just to be sent back at the age of 13. At the age of 17 i wrote matric, had no funds and worked as a truck driver to earn money to study. After 5 years i had enough and started as an Article Clerk and 5 years later qualified as a C.A.

During my studies ( the 1st year ) i slept in the toilets on JHB station at night, for i had no money for accomodation. ---always told my superiors that i work late, but i did not===used the offices to study for 3 hours at night. ( Where do you study in a toilet ? )

At the age of 35 i was arrested for murder which i did not commit.---was kept behind bars for 3 years as a " awaiting trial " and in the process lost my job and removed from the BOARD of C.A 's. After my release had to re-apply which took 2 years before i could work again. Lost my wife in the process.

Then i started my own business and the Lord blessed me so much that i am the CEO of 11 companies today. I WANTED TO TAKE MY LIFE DURING MY PRISON-YEARS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT---MY LIFE IS NOTHING IN COMPARRISON TO A BABY GIRL BEING RAPED.

SO GET A GRIP ON LIFE AND AS SHAUN SAID---LIFE IS ABOUT DECISSIONS. YOU TAKE THE CORRECT ONE.

Reply to NLM
Posted by: Prilly | 2004/11/16

Hi enough,

Why can you not work through the past? Have you ever tried, I mean really tried and then made peace with it. You cannot fo forward in your life if you are living the past. I was molested as a little girl by 4 men. I had to give "oral sex" at the age of 4-5 yrs. I have had countless step moms and dads who wanted to shoot me or gas me in my room, My husband has had an affair, i have had 3 miscarraiges and two tube babies.

Life goes on no matter what, and if you dont go with the flow, life will leave you behind. It took along time for me to forgive my grandpa one of which molested me (thank goodness he was also step) and everytime I see him, I see him pay for what he had done to me. You see today he is a hobo, begging for money, etc. The other night I actually cried for him, that was when i realised that i had forgiven him.

Taking your own life is not worth the hassle. Life is like a nigge-bal (sorry, cannot spell that) its bloody hard but LEKKA

Reply to Prilly
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

Sorry Enough... sorry for the pain that you are in. You were not wrong to love the way that you have... don't be sad because it is over... be happy that it happend. Today is not a good day to be thinking rationally... no one expects you to... don't beat yourself up about it... give it time. There is nothing wrong in loving someone so deeply... don't ever let this pain kill that kind of love inside of you.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/16

Hi Enough,

Isn't loving some one more than yourself the very core of your problem???

When you love some one that much, you're telling yourself that you need a relationship to feed your happiness. This is not the case at all. Your needs should always come first. And your relationship should be give and take 100% from both sides.

Enough if i were you, i would seriously consider getting some professional help here. Your self esteem and self worth seems non existant, and no relationship will survive if you dont have some sort of strength and independance.

There are many people who go through rough lives, some even worse than you. It sounds like you have many things to be grateful for. And following in your mothers footsteps is definately not the answer here.

You're a woman, we have a higher pain theshhold than a man, which just proves that you can, and will get through this. And we are here to help you along every step of the way.

There is always a silver lining behind every dark cloud Girl!!!

Do some soul searching and find it.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

i LOVED MY X THE SAME MY HOLE LIVE REVOLVED AROUND HERE MY BEEING WAS TUNED ONLY TO HERE IF SOME ONEWOULD HAVE ASKED ME GIVE MY LIVE SO SHE COULD BE SAVED I WOULD HAVE PULLED THE TRIGGER MY SELF!!! AND THEN SHE HAD AN AFFAIR AND LEFT ME, I KNOW HOW YOU VEEL AND I CAN SAY I WAS THERE DONT EVER ASUME YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE. i WAS BEATTEN AND DOWN ALSO WHANTED TO DIE AND THEN I PICKED MY HEAD UP AND SAID -|- IT I WILL MAKE IT AND I DID SO SHE LEFT YOU SO WAT HOW OLD ARE YOU??? DOES NOT MATTER WHAT AGE IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN IN FUTURE TILL THAT ONE DAY WHEN EVERY THING IS RIGHT!! NO PICK UP YOUR CHIN EN GIVE LIVE N KICK BACK IN THE BACKSIDE!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

you hit the spot MONA....i am A SAD SAD PERSON!!!!
Right now Shaun, i would like to die, thats what i would like to happen!

NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GIRL, HOW IN LOVE I AM AND WHAT I FEEL FOR HER.....I MADE HER MY LIFE, I LOVE HER SO SO SO MUCH!!!!! i can't put it into words!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

Now now if that was the fact of the matter you would have done it, we know you hurt go en do as i said and deal with the hurt bit by bit, dont store it open up this soar and get al the bad out you will see it heals very quick once you cleaned the soar!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

... and here I thought I was the one that has been through the most... but you know what... I haven't had enough yet!
Things don't happen to you if you are not capable of dealing with it... it moulds your character and it makes you stronger than the rest. You make the choices... you can stop the hurt! No one is going to do it for you... Happiness is something that comes from your past... it is not in your future... nothing will make you happy unless you have experienced it already.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

They all say the hurt will stop, i will get over it, but the hurt from all my past experiences is still there and it has not gone away, so all that is happening here, is the hurt is piling on piling on PILING on, it gets more and more and more, and now this that has just happened to me is now the CHERRY ON THE TOP..............ITS WAS ENOUGH, enough to drive me over the edge enough to END THIS LIFE......i am so serious about this, but then again, a part of me dosn't want it, otherwise i wouldn't be making a nusence of myself on this forum!!!!!!!!!!!! im DYING!!!!!!!! inside!!!!!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

I also thought this was a female....

Your story can NEVER be as bad a 3 year old little girl dying of cancer in the brain, in a coma with black stuff coming out of her nose, she had no life, she had no choice to live any further, and if you think thats nothing, then you are a very sad person!!!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey man, ok, I agree, you've been through your fair share of what life has to offer. Aren't you even proud that you got this far???

No, no, Enough, don't ever think that what you are going through is worse than anybody else's pain & suffering. It is this thought alone that makes you feel so desperate.

Boet, you're hurting, so say anything you want to, & get it off your chest. What happened when you were a kid was evidently not by your choice, but where you are now definitely is. Or are you saying that you had no choice but to let her into your confidence? Nah, thats a choice you make.

What would you like to happen that might make you feel better. What would you like to happen that would give you hope. What would you like to happen that would make you want to pick up the pieces & at least move forward.

Know this Enough, giving up is no option for you right now, because you got this far. For what? To show that you are way better than that!!!

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

Enough is enough, people are people and they wil always hurt you, they tell you stuff just to get wwat they whant!!!! dont give up on live because of surcomstances!!! you have endured so much and still you are standing, if it was me that was there I may have done the same but you konow you have learned so much and that you are obsesive and to much to handel can be tough for someone who does not understand. As i have said here before sometimes we become like a strangelfig we whant to be so close and so neer the persone we love that we sometimes start smothering them and then the ten to start fighting for there lives and run away!!! If I can say something and give you a suggestion, let it go my friend I know it hurt and it feels like you hart live and brains has been ripped out but let it go!!! I would sugest that you also go and se a councellor or phycaitrist not because you are funny in the head but so that you can make peace with your past and with yourself because only when you can let go forgive those who has done this to you, forgive yourself en learn to love yourself for who you are and where you come from can you really find piece with your self and can you then move on. One thing you must learn is if people cant love you for who or what you are the it is there los!!!! Go and have n good cry and sulk and lick your wounds but stand up en go for it you are spesial enough and you dont need people to tell you that!!! Good luck hope the hurt stops and joy enters your live!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: CT | 2004/11/16

After reading your comments I seriouslly thought you were a woman. Pull your finger out of you arse and get on with life buddy

Reply to CT
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/16

I'm sorry Enough.
Please don't give up your life, just don't.
Give up what is hurting you, yes, cut it out, be strong while it heals and then... the scar will be gone.
But you won't be. And you can continue anew.
Go on precious one. Show that this trauma will not end you - you are stronger than that!

Reply to HS
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Hey, we arent the enemy here, we are trying to help you and make you feel better! So now will be a good time to stop shouting at us, your friends!!!!!!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

MONA.....if i had to tell you exactly what i have been through in my life....i will put ALL THOSE STORIES OF YOURS TO SHAME, don't try and make me feel bad and sorry for them..... I HAVE HURT just as bad, if not MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

you have a HARD HARD life, you find someone to love with all that you you are and confide in and the rip it to shreads..... it was NOT my choice that my childhood was a -|- up, it was NOT my choice that my father is a sick man, my mother tried to commit suicide MANY MANY times when i was the only one at home, it was NOT my choice that we lost everything we had in our lives, it was not my choice to have A -|- ED UP LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! THEN I LOVE SOMEONE MORE THAN ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING, more than myself.......and what do they do DE -|- ING STROY me!!!!! and the worst of all is i know they love me too!!!!!! I can't help being so INSECURE and OBSSESIVE and they RUN FAR AWAY.....i have only loved twice in my life, and when i finally get over it and decide to take anothe plunge into HELL, they DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!! it was SO HARD FOR ME TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, i didn't want it....she told me that it would be different this time, she would NEVER HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HEY GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!! I DON"T WANT THIS, i don't want this life anymore, it has BEEN ENOUGH!!!!!! UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Come now, tomorrow the sun will shine again! Each thing that happens to us, makes us stronger. Breaking up is very hurtfull, but there are people thats much worst off you know. People with no homes, no food, dying of aids, murderers having their last meal as they are being executed today, wars that kills or disfigure small innocent children, my father in law that was held up, tortured and shot execution style, my friend who's 3 year old little girl died of cancer, all things that can not be reversed!! You on the other hand, have more chances to make a better life for yourself! Family and friends will help you!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

So what happened now, did you have enough of me too???

Question: When you were in love & not breaking up, was LIFE not happening to you then???

We always think that something is wrong with us when someone breaks-up with us. Maybe that person just couldn't cut it for you. The thing is that person did the breaking up so it doesn't make it your fault. It is only your fault if you come out of this without learning anything, so you can deal with LIFE in a way that YOU will be happy about whats happening in your LIFE.

Come on, I'm waiting for your response...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

I have to agree with shaun if you dont change your ways what happens to you will not change. You and you allone can change the direction of your live and stop the weal of live running over you!!! come on lets start with this thing and see if we cant change it, start at the beginning and explain all and we will try to give you some direction, we may just be wise anough to help!!! Please talk to us!

Reply to Q
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hi Enough,

Glad you came back to chat. Appreciate that a lot.
I'm gonna tell you something that may make you feel even more down???
It is not supposed to happen to you time & time again. It is your choices that have allowed you to be hurt like this. Think of this for a while...
Did you just break-up with someone? How long were you going out? What was so good about this person? Why did you guys break-up???

Please answer these questions for me as I want to talk to you.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

LIFE Q LIFE HAS HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Reply to enough
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

I JUST GET TOLD THE SAME THING EVERY TIME, how everything will be fine bla bla bla.......................BUT its now been one too many times!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

wHAT HAS HAPPEND THAT IS SOOO BAD???

Reply to Q
Posted by: enough | 2004/11/16

I GIVE UP I GIVE UP I GIVE UP.................i do i do, i want to give up.....NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS MY DESTINY, my destiny is doomed, it is supposed to happen to me time and time again, and my WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN HURT AND PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to enough
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey Enough,

You've done a good job of showing us how much you're hurting by stretching your post like you just did. If thats anything to go by then know that I understand your pain right now.
Consider this though; What you are feeling right now is all emotional, meaning its in your mind, meaning you are making yourself feel this way.
Being hurt just makes you stronger the next time around. I should know, believe me.
One thing caught my attention here, & that is that you said go through this pain over & over again. Could it not be that you're doing something in a certain way that allows you to experience the same thing over & over again. Is it not maybe time to consider a change to this something you might be doing???

Come on, you know you're much better than that & suicide is not a good option. That means that you just give up. which is what you said above. But I feel you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be put in a situation where you could be hurt if you were really prepared to give up.

Never say never!!! I'm sure you've heard that before? Know what you should also take into consideration? It's people like you, who are prepared to take the risk of opening up, that know what it is like to be in love. Do you know that there are so many people that don't even know what this is!?

Nah, you're hurting right now, & right you should be, but nobody is worth giving up your life for, if they can't do the same for you!!!

Come talk to me, let me try share your pain with you...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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