Posted by: Tina | 2007/05/16

its long, but please read and advise

I started dated my boyfriend in Jan Last year, everything was perfect and we celebrated our one year annivesary this year.<br><br>25/01/07 - I read an sms from his phone from a lady friend and the text said " why are you ignoring my calls, do you regret having sex with me?" when I asked him he said he slept with her in Dec 05 and doesn't know what the lady wants from him. I didn't believe him but I was able to forgive him.<br><br>17/02/07 - it was his birthday, he knew that I made for the afternoon and was suppose to come to my place at 18.00, he came at 20.00and his excuse was he thought I was joking.<br><br>02/03/07 - we were suppose to go to my friend's party at Germiston Lake, and he cancelled at the last hour and ended up going on my own. I met my ex there and he dropped at my place after party and we had sex. My boyfriend found out and I confessed and told him the truth. he was angry and never spoke to me for a week and after that he forgave me and told me how much he loves and wants to marry me.<br><br>20/03/07 - I found out that he is married for 3 years, I asked him and he said YES, and he don't want to talk about it. Since then our relationship was rocky and very sour even the sex part has dropped to once or twice in two weeks and I kept on asking him to talk to me to come clean and to tell me everything I need to know and he refused, so I started digging for information and in my search I found that he has three kids, two with wife( 6 and 1year old)and one with ex girlfriend (13 year old), and he is dating and had sex with a colleague who is married and the husband is a friend to his friend.<br><br>14/05/07 - He decided to come clean and told me that he is going through a divorce since last year June and will be going to court again on the 7th of June, and that he has one kid(6 year old) with his wife and one with exgirl and swears that he is never cheated on me. But he is lying again because his medical aid and policies evrything shows that he has two kids with his wife, why is he hiding the other kid. <br><br>I love this man we've been through a lot and if really he is divorcing I understand that and if he needs my support on that I am willing to support him. But will he ever be honest with me? I don't even;y believe this divorce thing what if he is lying about it? Will going to the couple counselling help or should I just forget about him and move on. As difficult as it is. I really love this man.<br>He is busy building a house which I'm part of it and contributed to it decision making, buying of furniture, flooring, painting etc. aware of and he has asked me to move in with him when finished.

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Our expert says:
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At the start after the message, if you didn't belive him, and thous thought he was lying and cheating --- why did you "forgive" him ? And then, after more cheating and lying between you, you discover the BIG LIE that he is already married ? And you stiull want to stay with the cheating liar ? Why ?
He is a serial cheat, unkind to his wife and children ( by more than one woman ) and cheating with a married woman as well ? Gee, what a lovely guy ! And he claims his divorce is taking over a year ? Could you possibly find a man less deserving to be loved, by anyone ? You ask will he ever be honest with you ? Why should he bother to change now, having lied to you for years, and knowing that you have forgiven him every time ?
Do you really, really, want a life of uncertainty, cheating, lying and grief, with a many you will never feel able to believe, and who is highly unlikely to ever divorce, but keep you around just for convenience ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Southernwrite | 2007/05/17

Please the answer is as clear as daylight - move on and get a life and def not with this looser

Reply to Southernwrite
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/17

It's not that hard to know what to do is it?

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/05/17

So if his the other child is one year old..then that means that he had sex with his wife in the last plus minus twenty one months of which you two have been together plus minus 17..?..he sounds very unstable..

Don't ignore what your inner voice tells you..this is so much of a mess, why would you want to be in this mess?

He's manipulating you, cause he's still lying and yet you're still with him...

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Joy | 2007/05/17

Oh my goodness, deary NO!!!! You're a woman wanting to take on so much drama from a man you've only been dating for a year?? You will never be able to trust him, EVER, if he's been keeping such significant details about his life from you! He has a wife and kids for goodness sake! Compared to you, think of how many years his spent with his wife! Think of how dependant she is of him, if you already feel like you cant leave him after having spent just ONE year with him. He wont leave her and trust me, as i'm sure you already know, getting a divorce done does not take a you realize next month is june again, yet he still hasnt sorted out the divorce?! You're caught up in a mess and i suggest you cut all ties with this man NOW!!! Change your number and move on with your life!! Its obvious how little you trust him since you've already been digging - which is when he decided to confess! He doesnt respect your feeling and didnt even have the decency to be straight up with you!! These are HUGE lies!!!! its not something small and insignificant. If you stay with him you'll always wonder and ALWAYS dig! He is unreliable, doesnt make arrangements with you when he cant meet up, and is a LIAR!!!! If you wanna stick around, prepare yourself for constant mysery! MAJOR INSECURITY and obsessive compulsive behaviour! This man is gonna screw your head up so bad - a year from now you wont even recognize yourself! GET OUT NOW!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: pf | 2007/05/17

sisi just forget about the divorce, that man is not going through i divorce my love, suggestion, just forget abou thim, move on with your life, u will find someone better... WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE IS IRREPLACABLE??? why is he hiding the other child... the fact that they have a 1 yr old child should tell you something my lov

Reply to pf
Posted by: CareBear | 2007/05/16

you know what...your email really is long and i didnt get really far...i only read as far as the second paragraph.i did that cz its a familiar story and i manage to figure what the email is about.I'm not even going to entertain your/his thoughts or plans.....NO NO...the warning signs are all there

girl, ill tell it to you like it is. ive been through the grinding mill a couple of times and have believed many situations. i have even taken the stance of 'ill support you as much as you need me too and im willing to work at this if you are',, its not worth it!
I know its easy for pple to say there are plenty of fish in the sea, cz its all rubbish. there are a few, and take a lifetime to come by.
i know it will be hard for you to close the chapter, but its only going to get harder, as you get more and more twisted in this.This is stuff you already know, and i know its hard cz it involves your heart..
i know its far from your thoughts, but why not be single for a while, and have some 'me' time to remember your sure you're worth much much more!
Once you've had enough of his'll be like me!but this me didnt happen overnight..............
stay strong

Reply to CareBear

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