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Posted by: LoSeR | 2005/12/07

It was so long ago...

I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was almost ten until I was about 13. I don't know why I didn't prevent or stop it. I guess the only thing I started doing is bolting my bedroom door closed with my bed whenever he came over. My parents found out after we had a huge fight. I was getting into witchcraft and all sorts of things and my brother came to talk to me. He somehow figured it out almost instantly! He was my angel...my Godsend. My father wasn't initially told about it because he had just undergone major heart surgery and he almost died (I saw them shock him back to life). His mother had died earlier that year too. I really loved her. Then my mother questioned me. As if she didn't believe me! They didn't send me for pofessional therapist. Instead, they made me talk to my school guidence councillor...who, I don't think, was trained in this area. I was able to get everything out but how do I know if I had FULL CLOSURE of the issue? HOW DO YOU KNOW if you are over it? I don't cry about it anymore...do I have closure? Anyone HELP!

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Our expert says:
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Even to this day, I wonder how many Guidance Counsellors are properly trained to deal with this not at all uncommon situation ? So yes, it would probably have been more helpful if you'd seen a more expert counsellor at the time. But also we vary individually in how such events and experiences afect us, and while some of us remain lastingly upset, others of us are better able to put it behind us. And sadlt, some parents, like your mother, are reluctant to believe that such things happen at all ( less as disbelieving you, than disbelieving the reality of such activities ).
... has it about right. There are no absolute criteria for deciding if you are over such an experience, But you probably are if youj don't often think of it, don't feel great discomfort when you do think of it for some reason, and if you are able to lead a happy and content life, sociall, in relationships, and in work.
Espcially if you have consistent problems in relationships or related to sexual activities, you may find it still beneficial to see a good practical local CBT-style counsellor

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/07

Nobody can say whether you got closure or not... you don't even know if you did.... I think what you need to consider though is how you feel about your life in general... do you have healthy normal relationships... and are you happy about your life in general... if so, then don't stress about it...
IF you feel your life has been negatively affected by what happened, then perhaps going for therapy will help you...
If you find that you're unable to form good relationships... hold back ... have low self esteem... have negative feelings regarding sex and other opposite sex... or have negative feeling towards your parents... then perhaps you have some issues that need to be resolved...

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